Tag Archives: babies make horrible roommates

Playing Catch-Up

Hello, and happy new year to all. As will become abundantly clear, the post below was written before Xmas. I never got a chance to post it, so now here it is in all its outdated glory. Enjoy, and I will have more timely stuff posted very very soon.

The Baby has made a few forays into Outer Space (= Not The Living Room) in her first few weeks on planet earth, but most of these trips have been to relatives’ houses. Friendly territory, where she gets poked and prodded and photographed until her psychological defense mechanisms kick in and render her catatonic. So we thought it might be a good idea to toughen the girl up, get her out of the house and acquainted with the evil world that will one day crush her fragile spirit once she’s sufficiently cognizant to realize its true depths. Fun!

My original plan was to teach her some survival skills. We would drive out to the Meadowlands and drop her off in a tied-up sack with a map and some C-rations, to see if she could find her way home. But The Wife suggested that this might be seen as child abuse.

So we did something more acceptable to society but no less cruel–we took her to the mall. We had Xmas shopping to do, and there’s only so many people you can buy hilariously ironic eBay gifts for. “Here, Uncle Phil, have this Lucky Strike ad clipped out of 1954 issue of Collier’s. It’s funny ‘cuz it’s old!”

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Shake for Me, Baby

Once again, I have been delinquent in updating the site. But at least this time, I have a perfectly legitimate excuse for my delinquency: 6 lbs 4 oz to be exact. I’d love to post a picture of our little bundle of loudness, but knowing the evils that lurk on the interweb, I’m sure my jpeg would wind up the victim of some nefarious Photoshopper.

How are the first few weeks of parenting? I touch another human’s feces on a daily basis. I’ve gotten about 20 minutes of sleep within the past 12 days (which is probably 20 minutes more than The Wife has). And despite rarely getting sick, exhaustion has allowed my immune system to accept the worst cold I’ve had in years. So sleep deprivation, sickness, and humiliating tasks–it’s kinda like being a POW, but I’m surrounded by pacifiers.

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