STUDIO 60 ON ROOSEVELT AVENUE
EPISODE 10
WRITTEN COMPLETELY BY AARON SORKIN TOTALLY ALONE AND UNDER GREAT DURESS
RELIVE THE EXCITING INAUGURAL SEASON!
PILOT | EPISODE 2 | EPISODE 3 | EPISODE 4 |
EPISODE 5 | EPISODE 6 | EPISODE 7 | EPISODE 8
EPISODE 9
LOGLINE: Once the nation’s best and most respected baseball GM, Sandy Alderson has been reduced to trying to revive a moribund franchise in the depths of deepest, darkest Queens. Along with his sharp-witted and adoring protégés, he fights off the seemingly endless series of controversies and crises that beset him while trying to run a sports team in the country’s most bustling metropolis, and still look fantastic while doing it. Can the pressures of such an important job crush this singularly talented and gifted individual genius?
ACT I
The office. J.P. RICCIARDI, PAUL DEPODESTA, and MACKENZIE CARLIN sit in a bank of cubes, typing away on their computers with their backs to one another.
DEPODESTA
Do you ever feel completely meaningless?
RICCIARDI
No, that’s just you.
DEPODESTA
I’m serious. Sometimes I feel like I’m just here to serve others.
RICCIARDI
Yes, your boss. It’s called “having a job.”
DEPODESTA
No, I mean it just feels like I’m here to advance a plot. You know, so someone else can have a person to bounce dialogue off of.
CARLIN
Not me. I am fully in charge of my own universe.
DEPODESTA
How do you know that? How do you know you’re not some bit player in a drama that’s not even about you? Like, the camera just lingers on you only when you’re talking to the “star,” and the rest of your existence is completely without meaning or purpose?
CARLIN
I have never thought that in my entire life. I went to Harvard!
A large man covered in head to toe in umpire’s gear, including mask, quickly zips past their cube bank. Only DEPODESTA seems to notice him.
DEPODESTA
Did you guys see that?
CARLIN
See what?
DEPODESTA
An umpire just ran by.
RICCIARDI
Umpires aren’t allowed inside front offices. You know that.
DEPODESTA
So maybe we should report him.
CARLIN
If it’s a problem, I’m sure someone will take care of it.
DEPODESTA
Don’t you understand? This is our chance to be part of the drama, to act before the camera cuts away!
Cut to: SANDY ALDERSON’s office. He sits at his desk, talking on the phone. Bright sunlight trails in from his windows, and we see a beautiful green ballfield cascading off into the distance behind him.
ALDERSON
Yes, you can quote me on that…Yes, I do believe that before the decade is out, there will be a cyborg in the major leagues, and I have no issue with that…Should cyborgs be allowed to take performance enhancing drugs? Well, that’s a separate issue. Let’s wait until cyborgs actually exist before we tackle that conundrum.
The UMPIRE kicks down ALDERSON’s office door.
ALDERSON
Excuse me, I’m having a private and extremely hypothetical discussion here.
The UMPIRE pulls a gun from his pocket, walks over to ALDERSON’s desk, grabs the phone with his free hand, and hangs it up.
ALDERSON
Mike Lupica is going to be very upset if he thinks I hung up on him.
UMPIRE
You’d do better to concern yourself with the gun I have pointed at you, Mr. Alderson.
ALDERSON
I’ve spent some time in the Marines, sir, so I try not to worry about guns until they go off. Didn’t catch your name, by the way.
UMPIRE
My name is not important. I am foot soldier in the Arbiters Liberation Army, and I’m here to take you hostage.
ALDERSON
Would Ted be okay? I’ve always liked the name Ted.
UMPIRE
Your glibness will not save you, Mr. Alderson. This is a very serious matter, and I suggest you take it as such, because I have no qualms about ventilating your smug little body.
ALDERSON
Forgive me. I was in 17 hostage situations last season alone, so I forget it’s not a complete bore to everyone. Please, sit on my couch, put your feet up. I imagine we’re going to be here for a while as you make your demands and lecture me on something or other.
UMPIRE
SILENCE! I am in charge of this situation! I will not be condescended to by my hostage and I WILL be heard! But I am a little tired after skulking all the way here, so if you don’t mind…
ALDERSON
By all means.
The UMPIRE sits down on ALDERSON’s couch and takes off his shoes.
UMPIRE
Oof. My dogs are barkin’ today.