Football

Useless Super Bowl Predictions: Mike Francesa

I wanted to get some Super Bowl predictions from football experts, but then I realized that  football experts tend to be horribly, horribly wrong most of the time. So instead, I decided to think beyond the usual expert parameters and ask some other types of people for their takes on the big game. First up, professional Diet-Coke-and-snack vacuum Mike Francesa.

fran1.jpgI’ve like the Steelahs chances to win the whole thing for a long time. A long time. Week 3, I think I liked them. A lot to like about this team. A lot. There’s a lot to like. With this team, there’s a lot to like.

Cawdnals aren’t just gonna lie down, though. Dey’re here to win. Dey’re gonna play tough. Dey’re a tough team. Dat is a tough team, the Cawdnals. Tough. That’s what I’d call them. A tough team. No doubt, they’re a tough team.

Butcha gotta like Roethlisberger. He’s been there. He knows what it’s like. He’s acquired knowledge through prior experiences. Roethlisberger’s someone you gotta like. You really do. A lot to like with him.

You know who he reminds me of a little bit? Bradshaw. Just a little bit. The teensiest bit. A little bit reckless. Not too much book smarts, but he knows how to win. Bradshaw was like that. Ben’s got just a bit of Bradshaw in him. Just a bit.

/inhales entire 2-liter bottle of Diet Coke

But hey, you gotta like the other guy, too. This ain’t Warner’s first trip to the Big Dance, either. He’s been through the wars, that guy. Through the wars. He is a warrior. You do not count him out. A warrior, that guy.

You name the guys, any guy you can think of. Warner’s not with those guys. But he’s close. Real close. He’s almost one of those guys.

Alright, let’s take some calls. Tom in Riverhead, you’re on the air.

Hey Mike, I love yer show, I think you are the best thing to happen to radio, I worship the ground you walk on. I was just wondering if we could talk a little Yankees right now…

A little Yankees? A little Yankees? It’s Super Bowl Friday and you wanna talk a little Yankees? Let me tell you somethin, you wanna talk baseball on Super Bowl Friday, you are lost. Lu-host. You do n-hot talk baseball the Friday before the Super Bowl.

This is gonna be a close game. I see it bein close. Back and forth. Someone leads, then the other team leads, then the first team leads again. It’s gonna be a dogfight. A close game. A real close one. Game. Close. Football.

Skitch Hanson

Apologies for Skitch Hanson

I apologize for the readers who were looking forward to an exclusive interview with Steelers kicker Jeff Reed from Skitch Hanson. I think last night took a few turns that Skitch didn’t anticipate.

If you want to take in the carnage, go to Skitch’s Twitter page, scroll to the bottom, and read upwards to reach all the low points.

Life In These United States

Unfocused Hatred Theatre, NY Times Edition

I want everyone involved with this article to be pitchforked to death. I’m not gonna recount it, just click on that link. If you can read three sentences and not be filled with hate, you’re either Gandhi or dead.

Only the New York Times can not only think it’s a good idea to greenlight an article about the trials and tribulations of millionaire bankers–you know, the greedy assholes who plunged our economy into the pooper to begin with–but also not have the slightest clue about how tone deaf and out-of-touch they look. That is some serious “let them eat cake”-level of cluelessness.

Ugh. Die, all of you. And make sure you do it slowly.

A potentially explosive collection of verbal irritants