Baseball, The Funny

Remembrance of Snark Past

joe-morgan-award.jpgYou know what was most unfuriating about Opening Night in baseball this year?

It wasn’t the fact that Opening Night itself is an abomination in the eyes of the Lord, as I’ve stated before. And not the fact that it involved the Braves and the Phillies, thus forcing me to root for The Meteor.

And it wasn’t the fact that I’d have to listen to an evening of idiocy with Joe Morgan; I just switched over to ESPN Deportes, where I can hear hilarious pronunciations of “Chase Utley” and “Jordan Schaefer”. It was the fact that I knew I wouldn’t see his performance completely dissected in an epic 10K-word takedown on Fire Joe Morgan.

Yes, I realized yesterday that this would be the first Opening Night in a few years without the benefit of FJM. How I miss it so. Can I talk to someone at The Office? Ken Tremendous needs to get back to Fremulon Insurance so he can make us all laugh about Hat Guy again.

All we have are the memories, I guess. IF you’re feeling nostalgic for sarcasm, try this post, in which Jon Heyman’s seething hatred of VORP is chewed up and spit out.

Baseball

Our House, in the Middle of 126th Street

workout_day.JPGMy first review of CitiField was inconclusive and ambivalent. But I made two trips back this weekend: once for an actual Mets game (well, not actually actual, but close enough after a very long winter), and once for a Workout Day, a fun event where plan holders can watch the team stretch and run and take BP (Scratchbomb Flashback!: I chronicled the Mets’ first ever Workout Day way back in 2006).

After this weekend, I still don’t feel comfortable making conclusive assessments about everything in CitiField. But I’m pretty sure I love it.

The first exhibition against the Red Sox, which I attended, was a much better test for how the stadium will feel during a real game. There were lots of Mets fans pumped to see a game, and there were enough fans of the the other team to approximate an in-season opposition.

So even though the weather wasn’t much better than during my first visit (worse, actually, thanks to a 1+ hour rain delay), the atmosphere was decidedly livelier. There was an energy to the place lacking during the college exhibition dress rehearsal. The Red Sox games were about as close to Game Conditions as we’ll get until Opening Day, and CitiField cleaned up well in this light.

Continue reading Our House, in the Middle of 126th Street →

Inappropriate Walkup Music 2009

Inappropriate Walk Up Round Up

santo-shea.jpgAs promised yesterday, I’ve compiled a complete list of all the Inappropriate Walk Up Songs. This should prove useful to those of you who need to settle arguments in bars, or as a handy crib sheet on your next midterm exam. Enjoy!

This list is arranged in alphabetical order by artist. Why? Because that’s how you organize music, dammit. I’ve been doing it that way ever since I started buying albums, and I ain’t about to change my ways now, dagnabbit.

What did I discover while compiling this list? Not much, except that I accidentally used Johnny Cash twice, despite my declaration that I wouldn’t use any artist/band twice. Boy, is my face red!

In my defense, tell me you could resist using “Wo Ist Du Haus, Mama”. That is comedy/German gold right there.

So without further ado, the list (after the jump):

Continue reading Inappropriate Walk Up Round Up →

A potentially explosive collection of verbal irritants