I’m sorry, I have to say something, because I’m boiling up over here. The NFL’s new rules against helmet-to-helmet contact and other vicious hits are just ridiculous. They get my lowest rating ever–only seven booyahs!
I agree with you one hundred percent, Stu. Football is MAN’S sport. It is played by MEN. This is what men DO–smash into one another over and over again until one of their brains is sloshing around like Jello in a Ziploc bag.
It’s gonna fag-ify the entire league! Just like in the 80s, when they said Lyle Alzado couldn’t bring his crossbow on the field anymore!
I am just SO ANGRY ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW. GOD, I WANNA THROW ROGER GOODELL DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS!
Hold on, guys. You don’t have to like all the new rules, but they’re put in place to protect the players. I wish some of them had been enacted when I still played. Maybe that way, I could still tie my own shoes without twitching or crying.
Category Archives: Sports
Mike Francesa’s Mike’d Up Ghost Hunters
Dis is Mike Francesa, and welcome to Mike Francesa’s Mike’d Up Ghost Hunters. Dis is da show where we hunt for the ghosts of Yankees past. I’m here with fellow ghost hunter Filip Bondy.
This is exciting, Mike! Almost as exciting as each time I hang out with the Bleacher Creatures and they don’t hurl homophobic insults at me! It’s like Bald Vinny told me one time…Give it a rest, Filip, it’s over. As you all know, da Yanks were shut down by Cliff Lee last night in an uttahly embarrassing perfawmance. Some might say dat’s because Lee is one of da best pitchers in baseball. But da truth is, da Yanks lost because da Yankee Stadium ghosts have not made da trip to da new bawlpawk. So I’m goin to da site of the old stadium across da street to see if we can get em back where dey belong. I come well prepahed for dis historic mission. I’m awmed with some EKB metahs, a bowl of snacks the size of K2, and 72 two-litah bottles of Diet Coke.
Dis is da site of the old stadium. Lotta ghosts here. Lotta spirits. Lotta spectahs, okay? Eddie, you got dat list of all da ghosts that haunt this place? No? Eddie, I toldja to bring the list of all da souls still inhabiting the hoary nether-regions between dis world and da next. So dat’s how we’re runnin a ghost huntin shows dese days, huh? Okay, dat’s fine.
Obviously, it would be yuge if we could get a big time ghost to come ovah to da new Stadium. A Mantle. A DiMaggio. A Gehrig. A Ruth. Dat is da goal. But we gotta be open to what da night brings us. Ghosts are fickle. Dey don’t obey da same rules as da living, and we have to respect dat. We might just come back with a Joe Pepitone, or a Kevin Maas. Dat’s fine. We can live with dat.
* unearthly noises *
Whoah, did you hear dat? Dat is the sound of a soul in torment. Oh spirit, come with us! Dere is a home for you just across 161st Street! Da Yankees need you! Plus da new place has got a Hawd Rock Cafe and stands dat sell gawlic fries!
Hey Mikey, how bout dem Giants, huh? Tied 1-1 with da Pherlies goin back to da Bay! Good spot ta be in! Betcha didn’t see dat comin, with Burwell and Kung Flu Pander Sindovail and Tom Lincercwum in da mix!Oh gawd, dat’s not a Yankee ghost, dat’s da ghost of Mad Dog Russo’s career! Don’t look at it, Filip!But it’s satellite radio! So beautiful!….OH GOD! DIVINE WRATH IS SEARING MY FLESH!
Dat’s gotta be da first ever head-melting on Mike Francesa’s Mike’d Up Ghost Hunters. Good job, Eddie. Alright, we got Jon Heyman up next, and he’s gonna help us hunt down the ghosts of his journalistic objectivity, with da help of Scott Boras. Back aftah dis.
Mets General Manager Candidate Questionnaire
If you are reading this introduction, it means you’ve already passed our Brooklyn Dodgers trivia test with flying colors. Congratulations! You’re one step away from joining the New York Mets organization as our new general manger, and following in the footsteps of such luminaries as Steve Phillips, Al Harazin, and M. Donald Grant. Please answer the following open response questions to the best of your ability.
1. You receive a call at 2am. It’s Oliver Perez. He’s being held hostage by a gang of international terrorists and desperately needs your help. How quickly would you fall asleep after hanging up the phone on him mid-sentence?
2. Do you think people who commit domestic violence should be afforded a second chance? If so, do you also believe they deserve fourth and fifth chances?
3. Cliff Lee is one of the best pitchers in baseball and easily the most prized free agent this offseason. Do you think fans would be okay with it if we acquired Dontrelle Willis?
4. The Mets have been criticized for the rash of injuries that have befallen the team in the past two seasons, and not being able to keep its best players on the field. Can you think of any way this can be blamed on Carlos Beltran?
5. Do you know anything about trying to sneak stuff into prison? Like, say, a shank? One that might be used on a former financial investor who screwed us eight ways from Sunday? Just wondering.
6. Would you be willing to let Lenny Dykstra crash on your couch for a few weeks while he figures some stuff out?
7. What quality player would you most like to acquire and force to play out of position?
8. How would you describe your level of knowledge about Mets history–poor, middling, or disinterested?
9. In response to fan outcry and these difficult economic times, we will be cutting ticket prices next season. Would you mind helping out by sweeping up after games?
10. Many front offices now use at least some modern sabermetric assessments to influence their drafting, player development, and roster building. How would you help the Mets look like we might care about that crap?