Category Archives: Sports

Football

Playoff Preview: Cardinals at Panthers with Matt Leinart

Today, we preview this weekend’s playoff games with a whole buncha celebrity guests. To discuss the exciting Carolina-Arizona matchup, here’s Cardinals backup QB, Matt Leinart.

leinart.jpg

Last weekend, the Cardinals played their first home playoff game in over 60 years. It must have been exciting to be a part of that historic event.

Yeah, whatevs. Mind if I burn one? Coach was really ridin’ my ass in practice today. I’m like, “Sheesh, it’s not like I’m gonna play,” and he’s all like, “blah blah what if something happens to Warner?” Total buzzkill.

Um, okay. After enjoying so much success at USC, is it hard to sit on the sidelines and watch Kurt Warner take charge, or are you just happy to be along for the ride?

Bro, the only thing that’s hard is me, when I’m checkin’ out the primo babeage in the crowd. Runnin’ slant routes in my pants, if you know what I mean.

Eww…So what does Arizona need to do take care of business in Carolina this weekend?

An experienced wingman and endless Jagerbombs for the ladies. Keep ’em comin’!

I was talking about the game.

So was I bro–the game of ‘tang. And when you play that game with the Lein-man, you always win. You just strap in for three minutes of pure adrenaline.

Ick. Wow, you really are a factory-wrapped douche, aren’t you?

Got a Sonic ’round here? I could drink like a hundred of them cheesecake shakes.

SB prediction: Panthers 28, Cardinals 10.

Baseball, Sean from Massapequa

Fanning the Flames: Lowe-Down

I often write about the Mets on this site, but I realize that my perspective is not necessarily that of the average fan. So as the Hot Stove League heats up, I want to get the viewpoint of another Amazins enthusiast. Today Scratchbomb welcomes back Sean from Massapequa, a union pipefitter and frequent WFAN caller, to discuss the Mets’ pursuit of Derek Lowe.


seanfrommassapequa.jpgIt looks like the Mets’ next free agent target is Derek Lowe. Do you think he’ll round out the rotation?

Yeah, if by “round it out” you mean “ruin it.” That guy’s a bum! I don’t want him nowhere near my team!

He’s not an ace, but you can’t call him a bum. He’s won a World Series, he’s got a good track record in the post season, he’s a solid starter, groundball pitcher, throws 200 innings every year…

Yeah, 200 innings of solid suck! Once again, we see the Freddy Coupons cheapin’ out on this team and not goin’ for the big guns.

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Baseball, Boob Tubery

MLB Whistles Nervously

I know how hard it is to start up a network. I mean, not personally. It’s not something I’ve ever done myself. I just imagine that it involves an intense amount of preparation, planning, and elbow grease, on top of the nuts and bolts inherent in running any company. It’s hard enough to put one show together, let alone a whole new lineup, and hire brand new studio personalities, producers, camera crew, etc., while also wondering when the soda machines are gonna get delivered.

I realize it takes a while before a new network can find its way and forge a unique vision. I’ve been watching SNY since it debuted, and those first few months were pretty rough. But hey, look at that lineup now, huh? *crickets*

So I’m willing to cut the brand new MLB Network an enormous amount of slack. I don’t expect them to have compelling programming just yet, especially during the baseball free month of January.

I mean, sure, MLB has cracked down on everyone who’s ever posted any footage of professional baseball anywhere online, so you’d think that they’re sitting on acres of vintage film that they refuse to let anyone else show in any form. And sure, they’ve had several years since they announced the launch of this new network to digitize all that old film, so they wouldn’t have to show the 2004 World Series highlights and last year’s playoffs over and over again.

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