Category Archives: Sports

Baseball, Inappropriate Walkup Music 2009

Inappropriate Walk Up Music: 03.08.09

santo-shea.jpgFor the original Inappropriate Walk Up Music post, click here.

Every day until Opening Day, Scratchbomb presents three tunes that are completely, unequivocally inappropriate for use as major league walk-up music.

These are not necessarily bad songs–although that
certainly helps. They are merely songs that don’t evoke the fear and dread one traditionally associates with the walk-up song. In fact, they evoke the exact opposite.

Imagine yourself in the on-deck circle. Bottom of the 9th. Down by one. Man on second, two out. You hear the PA system blare, The centerfielder, number 20… The crowd roars at the sound of your name. And as you stroll to the batter’s box, you are greeted with the strains of one of these songs:

* “Invisible Touch”, Genesis
Phil Collins is an example of an artist with an entire oeuvre that’s inappropriate for use as walk up music, with the possible–POSSIBLE–exception of “In the Air Tonight” (not that the Peter Gabriel-led version of Genesis would be any better; I doubt any batter would opt for “The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway”). I have a self-imposed rule for this project that I won’t select the same artist twice, but I may just have to violate it, because I can think of about 1200 Phil Collins songs that crack me up in this context.

* “Careering”, Public Image Ltd.
I guess anything from the super-dubby Jah Wobble-era PiL would qualify, but I find this song particularly creepy. But not in a way that would intimidate the pitcher. I imagine that if this song were played over a stadium PA, everyone in the crowd would feel weird and wrong and want to leave as soon as possible.

* “Poison Arrow,” ABC
This songs gets played a lot on an 80s/90s “modern rock” music channel on Time Warner Cable. It came on as I “watched” it last night, and immediately said to The Wife that it would be a good song to include here. She countered by wondering how it would sound as a merengue song–would that spice it up enough for the likes of, say, Jose Reyes? For the next 15 minutes, we riffed on this idea. The details are way too stupid to share, but I remember assigning the synth part to a seven-piece horn section, which would also sing the chorus. And there would be a four minute trombone solo.

Baseball, Inappropriate Walkup Music 2009

Inappropriate Walk Up Music: 03.07.09

santo-shea.jpgFor the original Inappropriate Walk Up Music post, click here.

Every day until Opening Day, Scratchbomb presents three tunes that are completely, unequivocally inappropriate for use as major league walk-up music.

These are not necessarily bad songs–although that
certainly helps. They are merely songs that don’t evoke the fear and dread one traditionally associates with the walk-up song. In fact, they evoke the exact opposite.

Imagine yourself in the on-deck circle. Bottom of the 9th. Down by one. Man on second, two out. You hear the PA system blare, The centerfielder, number 20… The crowd roars at the sound of your name. And as you stroll to the batter’s box, you are greeted with the strains of one of these songs:

* “Don’t Go Breakin’ My Heart,” Elton John + Kiki Dee
Please don’t make me tell this story again.

* “At the Bottom of Everything,” Bright Eyes
Especially inappropriate if you walk up to the eerie opening monologue. And refuse to step in the batter’s box until it’s over. And demand that the entire stadium be perfectly silent as it plays.

* “Touch Me”, The Doors
Worst Doors hit (I was gonna say worst Doors song, but I’ve heard worse deep album tracks). It’s like Jim Morrison singing a Fat Elvis song. If Elvis circa 1973 did this song in Vegas, followed by “Suspicious Minds,” would you have been surprised? Ironically, The Doors didn’t do another listenable album until Jim Morrison actually got Elvis-Fat for LA Woman.

Baseball, Inappropriate Walkup Music 2009

Inappropriate Walk Up Music: 03.06.09

santo-shea.jpgFor the original Inappropriate Walk Up Music post, click here.

Every day until Opening Day, Scratchbomb presents three tunes that are completely, unequivocally inappropriate for use as major league walk-up music.

These are not necessarily bad songs–although that
certainly helps. They are merely songs that don’t evoke the fear and dread one traditionally associates with the walk-up song. In fact, they evoke the exact opposite.

Imagine yourself in the on-deck circle. Bottom of the 9th. Down by one. Man on second, two out. You hear the PA system blare, The centerfielder, number 20… The crowd roars at the sound of your name. And as you stroll to the batter’s box, you are greeted with the strains of one of these songs:

* Erasure, “A Little Respect”
Courtesy of CuzzinLoutie. I think virtually any Erasure song would qualify. “I Love to Hate You,” for instance, would be just as ridiculous in this situation.

* “Don’t Hold Your Love Out on Me, Baby”
Courtesy of TheWhiteBoomBoom. I can’t think of this song without thinking of the MST3K skit in which The Bots ask Joel to explain this song, and they all sing it heartily in unison. Was the group that sang this song called Hamilton, Joe, Frank, and Reynolds? Or Hamilton, Joe Frank, and Reynolds? Or Hamilton, Joe, Frank, Ann, Reynolds?

* ZZ Top, “She’s Got Legs”
That would just be weird. Also, it conjures up memories of the 80s commercial for L’eggs pantyhose that featured this song sung by a chorus of chicks. I was very disappointed to find out that L’eggs no longer come in a plastic egg-shaped shell.