Category Archives: Football

Playoff Preview: Chargers at Steelers with LaDainian Tomlinson

Today, we preview the weekend’s playoff games with a whole buncha celebrity guests. To discuss the exciting San Diego-Pittsburgh matchup, here’s Chargers running back LaDainian Tomlinson.

First off, are you feeling okay? Right now, there’s still some question about your availability for the game in Pittsburgh. Groin injuries would be bad for any running back, and especially for your type of game. Can you be 100 percent effective this weekend?

ldt_darth.jpg/stares soullessly
/watches own breath fog and crystalllize

Alright, we don’t have to talk about that. But it has to be frustrating to be injured during the playoffs for a second year in a row. You work hard all season, and it’s like deja vu all over again. You must feel down sometimes. How do you work against that and get yourself pumped up for this game?


ldt_darth.jpg/stares soullessly

Okay, let’s just drop the injury talk altogether. Assuming you do play, you can’t be looking forward to playing against that tough Steeler defense. Do you think your offensive line can open up some holes for your to do your thing? Or do you think the new threat of Darren Sproles will allow you to go unnoticed and sneak up on Pittsburgh?


ldt_bike.jpg/bikes furiously

I get it, you don’t wanna give away any secrets. Here’s a fun question: You’ve been one of the best fantasy players for the past few years. I mean, there’s not a lot of players out there who can run, catch and throw touchdowns! Would you pick yourself first in a fantasy league?


ldt_darth.jpg/stares soullessly
/adjusts shoulder pads
/stares soullessly

Last question: Are you LaDainian Tomlinson or the Ghost of Christmas Future?

ldt_darth.jpg/stares soullessly
/extends bony finger from droopy sleeve.

SB’s prediction: Steelers 17, Chargers 9.

Playoff Preview: Cardinals at Panthers with Matt Leinart

Today, we preview this weekend’s playoff games with a whole buncha celebrity guests. To discuss the exciting Carolina-Arizona matchup, here’s Cardinals backup QB, Matt Leinart.

leinart.jpg

Last weekend, the Cardinals played their first home playoff game in over 60 years. It must have been exciting to be a part of that historic event.

Yeah, whatevs. Mind if I burn one? Coach was really ridin’ my ass in practice today. I’m like, “Sheesh, it’s not like I’m gonna play,” and he’s all like, “blah blah what if something happens to Warner?” Total buzzkill.

Um, okay. After enjoying so much success at USC, is it hard to sit on the sidelines and watch Kurt Warner take charge, or are you just happy to be along for the ride?

Bro, the only thing that’s hard is me, when I’m checkin’ out the primo babeage in the crowd. Runnin’ slant routes in my pants, if you know what I mean.

Eww…So what does Arizona need to do take care of business in Carolina this weekend?

An experienced wingman and endless Jagerbombs for the ladies. Keep ’em comin’!

I was talking about the game.

So was I bro–the game of ‘tang. And when you play that game with the Lein-man, you always win. You just strap in for three minutes of pure adrenaline.

Ick. Wow, you really are a factory-wrapped douche, aren’t you?

Got a Sonic ’round here? I could drink like a hundred of them cheesecake shakes.

SB prediction: Panthers 28, Cardinals 10.

The NBC Football Night in America Production of Paper Lion

costas2.jpgNBC’s Football Night in America Wild Card Weekend Something or Other is proud to welcome former president of the Lions, Matt Millen. Thanks for being such a good sport and being with us, Matt. I have to say, though, I’m surprised your head is so big. I thought for sure it’d be canteloupe sized. Or at the very least, more of a pinhead shape.

millen.jpgNo, no, I have a normal head.

costas2.jpgFascinating. So you are not legally required to wear some sort of helmet? Not even for insurance purposes? Because surely your skull is as soft as a newborn baby’s. I imagine it as one big fontanel.

millen.jpgAll the seams in my skull knitted together a long time ago.

costas2.jpgHow about a dunce cap, do you usually wear that? Or a propeller beanie? Maybe one of those floppy crowns like Jughead wore?

millen.jpgI don’t care much for hats.

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