Welcome bu-hack to the program. My next guest is the general manager of the Mets, Omar Minaya, who’s gotta be feelin pretty blue these days. Run it down for me. What’s the litany of injuries?
Well, Carlos Delgado’s got a torn labrum, Carlos Beltran’s got a bone bruise, Jose Reyes got hit by a fire truck, Ollie Perez has got seven swans a-swimming, and John Maine’s got six geese a laying. Although I’d rather be laying those eight maids a milking, right, Mikey? *honk* *honk* Say Mikey, I haven’t gotten a word in edgewise since I got here. You must’ve been vaccinated with a phonograph needle!Since when do you talk like Groucho?Since when are you such a grouch, Mikey? Boy, if this room gets any livelier, a funeral’s gonna break out!And what’s that in your hand, a martini glass?I would’ve brought my brandy snifter, but it got shattered by a mortar at the 38th Parallel!Mets fans think you’re not taking this situation seriously, that the season will soon slip away because of your inability to make a move to bolster the offense.I take this very seriously! You should see how much serious drinking I’ve been doing!What is your plan to fix the glaring deficiencies in this team?I’m not too worried, Mikey. You know what they say–there’s always more de-fish-in-the-seas. *honk* *honk* Are you gonna make a trade for this team, or are you just gonna sit around and crack jokes while the team falls apart?Listen, I’ve seen enough blood and pain and horror to last me three lifetimes. I patch these kids up just so they can run right out and get torn up again. What’s the sense of it all? Sure, I tell jokes, Mike. But is it any worse than the joke that’s been played on me? So laugh! Laugh at all, cause it’s one big joke, isn’t it? And the punchline is, we all die alone and afraid, stranding men in scoring position.Wow, this front office used to be light hearted and satirical, but this season has really changed you. Made you all…morose and dramatic.You should see what it’s done to Fred Wilpon.
Colonel, I request a section 8!
Category Archives: Baseball
1999 Project: Games 48-53 (A Homestand from Hell)
Click here for an intro/manifesto on The 1999 Project.
May 28, 1999: Diamondbacks 2, Mets 1
The Mets began a six-game homestand with the news that both Jason Isringhausen and Bobby Jones were ailing. Things didn’t improve much at game time. Rick Reed pitched well in his 7 innings of work, but gave up two runs in the second on a walk, a single, and triple. That seemed to be all the offense would Arizona would need, as Omar Daal shut the door on the Mets.
A homer by Benny Agbayani in the seventh (his fifth on only 43 at bats) cut the deficit in half, and the Mets threatened in the bottom of the ninth, loading the bases on two singles and a walk. But Luis Lopez struck out looking, thanks in part to a strike zone the Mets thought had suddenly shifted.
To add another layer of weirdness to the proceedings, Turk Wendell was forced to leave the field in the eighth inning because, as Diamondbacks manager Buck Showalter pointed out, he was using a two-colored glove, which was apparently illegal. Wendell swapped the glove and returned to the mound to pitch a scoreless frame. “It’s Showalter’s little antics,” Wendell told reporters. “He’s a stickler aboutlittle things like that. Power to him. It didn’t work. I’m sure Bobby Vdoes the same thing.”
May 29, 1999: Diamondbacks 8, Mets 7
This game saw yet another Mets pitcher go down. Allen Watson, starting in place of the injured Isringhausen, tried to kick-stop a line drive with his foot. This unwise move resulted in Watson limping off the field, and the Mets’ usually reliable bullpen did not hold up.
Every reliever but Armando Benitez made an appearance, but to no avail. Pat Mahomes and Rigo Beltran had both been stingy in their recent appearances, but they gave up three runs apiece this day, and the offense could not bail them out. Armando Reynoso, who’d been with the Mets the previous two seasons, gave up five runs in his five innings of work, but that was sufficient to earn a victory. In his first major league appearance, Byung-Hyun Kim pitched a 1-2-3 ninth for the save.
The team’s frustration was clearly mounting. Brian McRae was tossed in the first inning for arguing balls and strikes. Rickey Henderson was picked off of second, which could have cost the Mets a precious run. And Rey Ordonez suddenly needed two days’ rest for a knee injury that came as a total surprise to manager Bobby Valentine.
Continue reading 1999 Project: Games 48-53 (A Homestand from Hell)
Fast Times at NL East High
Hey, Chipper.
S’up, Dave. You goin to that kegger at HanRam’s house place this weekend?
Nah. My dad won’t lend me the Dodge. Listen, I gotta talk to you about somethin. I heard you were sayin some shit about me. Said I wasn’t happy at CitiField.
Fer real? No way, bro. I’d never say somethin like that.
When I say I heard it, I mean I actually heard you say it on the radio.
Oh, yeah. I guess I did kinda say that.
Why’d you do that, man? I told you that in confidence.
I was on the radio and they asked me about your new stadium, so I told em what you said. What else you want me to do?
Say something bland and inoffensive like everyone else does.
*pfft* That’s not how Chipper rolls, you know that. I speak my mind.
It’s a low blow, man. That’s not how bros treat each other.
Sure it is! I talk shit about everyone in this division. What about that time I told everyone that Dan Uggla eats paste?
Fuck you. That shit tastes good.
Or when I spilled the beans about Ryan Zimmerman wetting the bed?
Once! I did that once!
That’s how it is, man. Bros are always bustin each other’s chops. Don’t get all bent outta shape.
S’up, losers
/slams Wright into locker with flying elbow
Have fun at jerk practice!
/runs away as fast as possible
You should stick up for yourself, man.
He was gone so quick, I couldn’t do nothin. And if we’re such best buds, why didn’t you say anything?
Don’t worry, I got revenge on that douche. Totally got his sister pregnant.
Really?! Jesus…
Well, I got some girl pregnant. You expect me to keep track of that kinda stuff?