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Baseball

Scratchbomb’s Thoroughly Compromised 2011 MLB Preview: NL West

ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS

2010 record: 65-97

Biggest offseason acquisition: Armando Galarraga, who will bring with him all the luck of a man who was denied a perfect game by an indecisive umpire.

Biggest offseason loss: Mark Reynolds. Now that he’s in the AL East, could he become the first man to strikeout 300 times in a season?

How can a team with this much talent perform as badly as it did last year?: With just the right amount of counterbalancing suck.

Best name on 40-man roster: Leyson Septimo, master of darkness!

The That Guy’s on This Team? Award: Take your pick. Melvin Mora, JJ Putz, Aaron Heilman, Xavier Nady, Mike Hampton…it’s like the bargain bin at the Ex-Mets Yard Sale.

Spring standout: In a typically Diamondback-esque performance, Justin Upton already has 7 RBIs, 3 homers–and 13 strikeouts.

Probable Opening Day starter: Ian Kennedy, presumably due to his ex-Yankee pedigree. It certainly ain’t for the 25 hits he’s given up in 17 innings pitched.

Biggest question for 2011: Is this the year Arizona’s young core makes the transition from promising to disappointing?

Strengths: Well-regarded GM, no actual snakes on premises

Weaknesses: Copious amount of strikeouts can cause brief cyclones

Semi-serious assessment: The “young” Diamondbacks are rapidly becoming middle aged, in baseball years anyway, with little to show for the promise shown way back in 2007. In fact, much of that “young” lineup has been whittled away, to where it’s essentially Upton and Chris Young. The pitching has disaster potential written all over it. It doesn’t take much to compete in this division, but the Diamondbacks don’t have it.

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Baseball

Scratchbomb’s Thoroughly Compromised 2011 MLB Preview: AL East

BALTIMORE ORIOLES

2010 record: 66-96

Biggest offseason acquisition: Vladimir Guerrero, still owner of the ugliest/most beautiful swing in baseball.

Biggest offseason loss: Kevin Millwood is pretty much it. I remember him from his Braves days, when he would consistently murder the Mets. That was a long time ago. I am old.

Can this mix of young talent and spare parts finally put the Orioles over the top?: Yes, right over the top and back to the bottom.

Best name on 40-man roster: Rick VandenHurk, ex-Marlin and current Dutchman. Sounds like a nickname for the “hero” in Space Mutiny.

The That Guy’s on This Team? Award: A tie between Guerrero and Derrek Lee. I imagine they each eyed the other first day of spring training and shared an unvoiced “So it’s come to this, has it?”

Spring standout: Zachary Britton, who’s only given up one run in 14 innings so far. The gulf between his performance and other potential starters is not small, to put it kindly.

Probable Opening Day starter: Jeremy Guthrie, who’s pitching to an ERA of 6 this spring. Sure, why not?

Biggest question for 2011: Do the Orioles have what it takes to finish in first in the AL East, non-Yankees/Red Sox/Rays division?

Strengths: Beloved ballpark, John Denver singalongs

Weaknesses: Civic dysfunction symbolic of the abandonment of the American city in the 21st century

Semi-serious assessment: The Rays have showed it’s possible to compete with New York and Boston, but there’s only so much room at the top. I like the low-key moves the Orioles made, and these plus their core of young talent means that they’re nowhere near as bad as their reputation. This is not a horrible team. Unfortunately, in the AL East, Not Horrible = 4th place at best.

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Baseball

Scratchbomb’s Thoroughly Compromised 2011 MLB Preview: AL Central

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CHICAGO WHITE SOX

2010 record: 88-74

Biggest offseason acquisition: Adam Dunn, who hates the game of baseball so much he hits 40 home runs every year without fail.

Biggest offseason loss: Jake Peavey’s fleeting healthiness

What outrageous thing will Ozzie Guillen do this season?: To top previous incidents, it will have to involve farm animals.

Best name on 40-man roster: Jhonny Nunez, currently being sued by Jhonny Peralta for copyright infringement.

The That Guy’s on This Team? Award: Juan Pierre, who is apparently still considered employable.

Spring standout: Would you believe me if I told you Lastings Milledge? If not, why would you not believe me? I thought we were friends, bro.

Probable Opening Day starter: Mark Buehrle, who promises to get everyone back on the road in a lean 90 minutes.

Biggest question for 2011: How long can a team run counter to modern baseball thinking and still perform reasonably well?

Strengths: Lineup well suited to home ballpark, willingness to spend stupid money if needed

Weaknesses: Hawk Harrelson

Semi-serious assessment: The loss of Peavey (for however long that lasts) will hurt them, and after Buehrle the pitching staff is not fantastic. But they do have a pretty good bullpen, and a lineup that will hit many homers at their home ballpark (Dunn and Paul Konerko for starters). I would expect them, Detroit, and Minnesota to jockey for first place this summer.

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