Category Archives: Baseball

Joe Torre and Mike Mussina in Get Smart 2: Dream Warriors

torre2.jpgMike, I wanted to clear the air about those book excerpts
mussina.jpgZip it, stoolie. It was bad enough you bad mouthed Brian Cashman, but I can’t believe you betrayed the confidence of your players. That’s just weak.
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But Mike, like I told Brian, it’s a literary device…
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Maybe that crap works on Cashman, but I went STANFORD, ok?! I am a very educated man and I’m not going be fooled by any verbal trickery on your part involving literary devices. All of which I am quite familiar with, thank you very much.

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My Best Games: I’m Allowed to Go to a Playoff Game?

After writing my kiss-off to the immortal (?) Jeff Kent, I realized that Mr. Kent played a small role in the top three games I ever saw at Shea Stadium. I broached this topic a few times two years ago, though I never got quite as far as I wanted to. And now that Shea is all but rubble, the time has come to pay my last respects.

After dismissing or ignoring baseball for a good chunk of my high school/collegiate career, I got sucked back in by the ridiculously ridonkulous year of 1999. That remains my favorite Met team that I definitively, distinctly remember. 1986 had better results, but I was barely aware of the game at that point. 1969 and 1973 both made the mistake of occurring before I was born. 2006 seemed like magic when it was happening, but has become more and more depressing the more time passes.

1999 was exhilarating and terrifying all at once. It was like a carnival ride that whipped you around in the air a little too hard, and shook a little too much to be safe, and had lots of loose exposed bolts, and was run by a wild-eyed carnie on crank. There are some nights I wake up and I still can’t believe that it all ended on a bases loaded walk. And yet, I can totally believe it. How else could that year end–in a fair and probable manner? Pshaw!

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Joe Torre Has Nothing to Do With Joe Torre

torre2.jpgBrian, I wanted to call you and clear the air about those book excerpts that have been leaked. The co-writer and I, we employed a literary device called The Third Person. So you see, that’s not me talking in those excerpts; it’s Joe Torre.
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But you are Joe Torre.
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No, I’m me. Unless I’m someone other than me, in which case I would be you.
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Those are just pronouns, Joe. It doesn’t change the fact that you wrote some pretty awful things in your book.
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No, Tom Verducci explained this to me. He’s a writer and he knows all about this kinda stuff. I didn’t write those horrible things, Joe Torre did. Me, I’m just a palooka from Brooklyn who wanted to be a big league manager some day. I’m a good egg, see? But that Joe Torre fella, he’s a real dick. Between you and me, I wouldn’t trust the guy farther than I could throw him.

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