Category Archives: Inappropriate Walkup Music 2009

Baseball, Inappropriate Walkup Music 2009

Inappropriate Walk Up Music: 03.13.09

santo-shea.jpgFor previous Inappropriate Walk Up Music posts, click here.

Every day until Opening Day, Scratchbomb presents three tunes that are completely, unequivocally inappropriate for use as major league walk-up
music.

These are not necessarily bad songs–although that
certainly helps. They are merely songs that don’t evoke the fear and dread one traditionally associates with the walk-up song. In fact, they evoke the exact opposite.

Imagine yourself in the on-deck circle. Bottom of the 9th. Down by one. Man on second, two out. You hear the PA system blare, The centerfielder, number 20… The crowd roars at the sound of your name. And as you stroll to the batter’s box, you are greeted with the strains of one of these songs:

Today, we go for an all-depressing slate of tunes, based on suggestions by Cuzzin Loutie and TheWhiteBoomBoom. All of these songs have been chosen because they wouldn’t inspire fear in an opposing pitcher. They would just make him sad. He might serve you up a total meatball right over the heart of the plate because he feels so bad for you.

* “The Weeping Song,” Nick Cave
As I mentioned in the comments yesterday, Nick Cave is a whole fount of inappropriate. But as long as we’re going for depressing, there’s not much worse than a song about crying.

Runner-up for Nick Cave: “O’Malley’s Bar,” a ten-minute epic off of Murder Ballads wherein he kills everyone in the titular establishment. My favorite line: “And with an ashtray as big as a really fucking big brick/I split his head in half…”

* “Blaspehmous Rumours”, Depeche Mode
What, you don’t think people want to hear a song about deformity and suicide when they go to the ballpark?

* “The Wall”, Johnny Cash
“Boy, they’re mean bastards, ain’t they?”

Baseball, Inappropriate Walkup Music 2009

Inappropriate Walk Up Music: 03.12.09

santo-shea.jpgFor previous Inappropriate Walk Up Music posts, click here.

Every day until Opening Day, Scratchbomb presents three tunes that are completely, unequivocally inappropriate for use as major league walk-up music.

These are not necessarily bad songs–although that
certainly helps. They are merely songs that don’t evoke the fear and dread one traditionally associates with the walk-up song. In fact, they evoke the exact opposite.

Imagine yourself in the on-deck circle. Bottom of the 9th. Down by one. Man on second, two out. You hear the PA system blare, The centerfielder, number 20… The crowd roars at the sound of your name. And as you stroll to the batter’s box, you are greeted with the strains of one of these songs:

* “Footography”, Foot Patrol
My pal Mikey J alerted me to the existence of Foot Patrol a while back. They’re a group fronted by talented blind multi-instrumentalist T.J. Wade. He’s kinda like Stevie Wonder–if Stevie Wonder had a foot fetish and sang about it in every song he wrote. Seriously, Foot Patrol bills itself “the only foot fetish funk band in existence”.

Thing is, their songs honestly rock. So I can totally imagine some baseball player hearing one of these songs and thinking it sounds good enough for his walk up song, without knowing the backstory (although Wade’s lyrics leave absolutely nothing to the imagination). Don’t believe me? Here’s a sample:

According my friend, Foot Patrol burned down the house the time he
saw them in Austin, and the crowd begged for an encore, but they had
exhausted all their original material. So the band came back out and
played a ridiculously good cover of Ozzy Osbourne’s “Mr. Crowley”. Wow.

* “Nothing Left Inside”, Black Flag
I wanted to pick something from My War/Slip It In-era Flag, but a most of it is super-aggressive and might actually work as walk-up music. Except for this song. A lot like the PiL tune I picked earlier, I think it would just make everyone in the stadium feel wrong and uncomfortable. And fear for their lives.


* “The Blood”, The Cure
I guess most Cure songs would be inappropriate. But you have to give special consideration to a Spanish-themed anti-Christian song. True story: Once upon a time, when I was a Jehovah’s Witness, all the other teens I knew in the congregation loved The Cure. Figure out that one, if you dare.

Baseball, Inappropriate Walkup Music 2009

Inappropriate Walk Up Music: 03.11.09

santo-shea.jpgFor previous Inappropriate Walk Up Music posts, click here.

Every day until Opening Day, Scratchbomb presents three tunes that are completely, unequivocally inappropriate for use as major league walk-up music.

These are not necessarily bad songs–although that
certainly helps. They are merely songs that don’t evoke the fear and dread one traditionally associates with the walk-up song. In fact, they evoke the exact opposite.

Imagine yourself in the on-deck circle. Bottom of the 9th. Down by one. Man on second, two out. You hear the PA system blare, The centerfielder, number 20… The crowd roars at the sound of your name. And as you stroll to the batter’s box, you are greeted with the strains of one of these songs:

* “Swanee”, Al Jolson
Weirdly old-timey or borderline racist, depending on your POV. I’d love to hear an old scratchy 78 played out of a modern PA system. The crackles and pops would sound pristine!

* “Cherry Bomb”, The Runaways
Kick-ass tune, BUT more of a kick-ass tune for kick-ass chicks. Until kick-ass chicks break into the major leagues, it remains inappropriate.

* “Freaxxx”, brokeNCYDE
Inappropriate in any context.