Category Archives: Inappropriate Walkup Music 2009

Baseball, Inappropriate Walkup Music 2009

Inappropriate Walk Up Music: 03.07.09

santo-shea.jpgFor the original Inappropriate Walk Up Music post, click here.

Every day until Opening Day, Scratchbomb presents three tunes that are completely, unequivocally inappropriate for use as major league walk-up music.

These are not necessarily bad songs–although that
certainly helps. They are merely songs that don’t evoke the fear and dread one traditionally associates with the walk-up song. In fact, they evoke the exact opposite.

Imagine yourself in the on-deck circle. Bottom of the 9th. Down by one. Man on second, two out. You hear the PA system blare, The centerfielder, number 20… The crowd roars at the sound of your name. And as you stroll to the batter’s box, you are greeted with the strains of one of these songs:

* “Don’t Go Breakin’ My Heart,” Elton John + Kiki Dee
Please don’t make me tell this story again.

* “At the Bottom of Everything,” Bright Eyes
Especially inappropriate if you walk up to the eerie opening monologue. And refuse to step in the batter’s box until it’s over. And demand that the entire stadium be perfectly silent as it plays.

* “Touch Me”, The Doors
Worst Doors hit (I was gonna say worst Doors song, but I’ve heard worse deep album tracks). It’s like Jim Morrison singing a Fat Elvis song. If Elvis circa 1973 did this song in Vegas, followed by “Suspicious Minds,” would you have been surprised? Ironically, The Doors didn’t do another listenable album until Jim Morrison actually got Elvis-Fat for LA Woman.

Baseball, Inappropriate Walkup Music 2009

Inappropriate Walk Up Music: 03.06.09

santo-shea.jpgFor the original Inappropriate Walk Up Music post, click here.

Every day until Opening Day, Scratchbomb presents three tunes that are completely, unequivocally inappropriate for use as major league walk-up music.

These are not necessarily bad songs–although that
certainly helps. They are merely songs that don’t evoke the fear and dread one traditionally associates with the walk-up song. In fact, they evoke the exact opposite.

Imagine yourself in the on-deck circle. Bottom of the 9th. Down by one. Man on second, two out. You hear the PA system blare, The centerfielder, number 20… The crowd roars at the sound of your name. And as you stroll to the batter’s box, you are greeted with the strains of one of these songs:

* Erasure, “A Little Respect”
Courtesy of CuzzinLoutie. I think virtually any Erasure song would qualify. “I Love to Hate You,” for instance, would be just as ridiculous in this situation.

* “Don’t Hold Your Love Out on Me, Baby”
Courtesy of TheWhiteBoomBoom. I can’t think of this song without thinking of the MST3K skit in which The Bots ask Joel to explain this song, and they all sing it heartily in unison. Was the group that sang this song called Hamilton, Joe, Frank, and Reynolds? Or Hamilton, Joe Frank, and Reynolds? Or Hamilton, Joe, Frank, Ann, Reynolds?

* ZZ Top, “She’s Got Legs”
That would just be weird. Also, it conjures up memories of the 80s commercial for L’eggs pantyhose that featured this song sung by a chorus of chicks. I was very disappointed to find out that L’eggs no longer come in a plastic egg-shaped shell.

Baseball, Inappropriate Walkup Music 2009, Videocracy

Inappropriate Walk Up Music: 03.05.09

santo-shea.jpgFor the original Inappropriate Walk Up Music post, click here.

Every day until Opening Day, Scratchbomb presents three tunes that are completely, unequivocally inappropriate for use as major league walk-up music.

These are not necessarily bad songs–although that
certainly helps. They are merely songs that don’t evoke the fear and dread one traditionally associates with the walk-up song. In fact, they evoke the exact opposite.

Imagine yourself in the on-deck circle. Bottom of the 9th. Down by one. Man on second, two out. You hear the PA system blare, The centerfielder, number 20… The crowd roars at the sound of your name. And as you stroll to the batter’s box, you are greeted with the strains of one of these songs:

* “Closer to Fine,” Indigo Girls
Suggested by Cuzzin Loutie; we also would have accepted “Galileo”

* “Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey”: Paul McCartney
I like this song, but I’m amused by the thought of someone taking practice cuts during the jaunty Admiral Halsey section. Like, Albert Pujols staring down the pitcher while Sir Paul toots “He had to have a berth, or he couldn’t get to sleep…”

* Charlene, “Never Been to Me”
They used to reference this song all the time on Mystery Science Theatre 3000. In fact, I was unaware it was an actual song for the longest time; I just thought “I’ve been to paradise, but I’ve never been to me” was one of those touchy-feely Me Decade phrases. If you’ve never heard the song, it’s just as ridiculous as that line implies.