Category Archives: Slice of Turkey

Slice of Turkey

Slice of Turkey: ALF, 1989

As I’ve said many times thus far for this series, the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is almost painfully earnest and free of irony. It doesn’t have a huge amount of self awareness, or any at all, really, because the slightest drop of reflection could bring the whole cloying house of cards tumbling down on itself.

Witness this clip from 1989, wherein sort-of co-host ALF shows off his comedy chops. I loved ALF as a kid, but in that kid way in which I basically loved anything that was on TV and popular. ALF was one of many shows I watched religiously yet haven’t seen in years and could not tell you what happened in a single episode. (See also: Family Ties, The Cosby Show, and virtually every other NBC show of that era.) So I have no idea if the show holds up or has gathered moss.

I do know that I stopped watching it at some point, probably around the time everyone else stopped watching it. Which, oddly enough, coincided roughly with ALF’s appearance at the Thanksgiving Parade. By 1989, ALF’s star was definitely on the wane. Was this NBC’s last-ditch attempt to inject life into a dying franchise? If so, it didn’t help; ALF was canceled the following year, despite having a cliffhanger ending.

ALF’s function during this parade was to stand in a window of a nearby building and make sarcastic comments and corny jokes about the proceedings. If the results are any indication, my decision to stop watching his show was a wise one. But ALF really kicks it into high gear when the Garfield balloon shows up. You see, ALF’s alien race ate cats, and so he sees this as his turn to shine.

The problem is, once you introduce a MST3K-Lite element to these proceedings, they begin to crumble before your eyes. The Thanksgiving Parade demands the cheerful, wide-eyed tunnel vision of Willard Scott and Katie Couric, not the jaundiced, cat-craving gaze of ALF. As a result, the whole thing feels kind of cheap and wrong. Good job, ALF, you RUINED THANKSGIVING.

Bonus ad! This brief McRib ad aired during the original broadcast of this parade. Also, CHAWMP.

Slice of Turkey

Slice of Turkey: Laugh-In, 1993

The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade plays by a set of rules all its own. Not in the sense that they get to do whatever they want (although if they could run over pedestrians with impunity, that might make for a more exciting presentation). I mean more in the sense that they sincerely believe that they must go about their business in a very certain way, or else.

For instance, they seem to labor under the misapprehension that you simply can’t have a celebrity appear. They must sing. But they can’t just sing a song, either. The celebrity must also play some role, even if they’re not appearing in a Broadway show at the time. That role is, almost invariably, from a nursery rhyme or some other kids’ story. Why? That is a very good question.

Case in point: This clip from 1993, which features Laugh-In alums JoAnne Worley and Ruth Buzzi. They were ostensibly appearing in this event as promotion for a Laugh-In Christmas special that would soon air on NBC. So I wonder why, rather than appearing in outfits or as part of a setpiece that was more evocative of the famous swingin’ 60s sketch show, they had to dress in Little Bo Peep outfits and sing a song about meeting their prince(s).

There’s nothing materially wrong with any of this, of course. Both ladies seem to be into it and are definitely not phoning in their performances. It just leaves me wondering why they had to do it. I’m imagining the OCD-addled head of Macy’s Pageantry informing these ladies, “No, you MUST wear these precious shepherd costumes and you MUST sing these songs. You can not appear as yourselves OR THE DEMONS ATTACK. THE DEMONS IN MY HEAD.”

Slice of Turkey

Slice of Turkey: Phyllis Diller, 1986

As I said in my inaugural post for this series, when I was a kid, non-balloon segments during the Thanksgiving Parade would often send me scurrying away from the TV with sense of cringey embarrassment. This was particularly true if the person appearing on my screen was going to belt out a song, or if they were somebody I’d never heard of, or both. The sight of this cleared the living room faster than the opening theme to M*A*S*H (which to Kid Me represented the pinnacle of adultness/kid kryptonite).

Which means that, in all likelihood, I never saw the segment below when it happened. In fact, I’m positive I didn’t, because if I had, I think my brain would have boiled and poured out of my ears out of sheer mortification. It features Phyllis Diller as Mother Goose, for some reason. Look: Phyllis Diller was a trailblazer, a very first successful female comedian at a time when Joan Rivers was basically the only other woman standup. (Yes, I know there were more, but as far as nationally famous ones, that was pretty much it.) She was on Scooby-Doo in animated form! Who else can say that, other than Jonathan Winters and Batman?

What I’m saying is, she deserves to be judged on her finer accomplishments, which are not on display here. Her delivery suggests someone who either does not know her lines or is highly medicated, or both. Even accounting for this, many elements of the bit seem as if they were constructed purely to embarrass her.

As with many Thanksgiving parade non-balloon segments, the number of items that make no sense in this clip are legion. To wit:

  • Why is Diller’s rhyme as Mother Goose sort-of dirty? Isn’t this supposed to be for kids?
  • Why were the cue cards situated at an odd angle from Diller? Couldn’t they have just put them to the side of the camera and spare this poor woman the effort of craning her neck, not to mention the embarrassment?
  • Why is Pat Sajak “surprised” about her being Mother Goose, like she’s just parachuted onto the scene? What purpose does this “confusion” serve?
  • Why is Sajak delivering his lines as if he just swallowed a fistful of downers?
  • Why are cast members of Another World shoehorned into this segment? Or Victoria Jackson, for that matter? (Ironically, nowadays Jackson sounds a lot like Diller did back then.)
  • What is it about the Hickory Dickory Dock segment that sends Diller over the brink of insanity?
  • Why does she suddenly want to be Cinderella? Why is she dragged off the “stage” Sandman Sims style? You just set her up to fail, didn’t you? DILLER HAS BEEN FRAMED!

The quality of this clip leaves much to be desired. However, the historic nature of this live TV meltdown demands that it be shared nonetheless.