Category Archives: Holiday Triumphs 2009

Holiday Triumphs 2009

Holiday Triumphs: Yet Yet More Holiday Ads, 1985

This is the last batch of vaguely-holiday-related ads for the season, I promise. They all come from yet another tape in the Vast and Dusty Scratchbomb VHS Archives. This one was dominated by a CBS airing of The Wizard of Oz around Christmastime of 1985.

Again, very few of them have actual holiday content. But since they all come from Christmastime broadcasts, they remind me of spending a wintry evening indoors, watching network TV because, hell, what else was I gonna do on a December night?

1985 marked some of the heaviest fighting of the cola wars. Coke and Pepsi faced off in a no-holds-barred battle which left no one unscathed. Brother fought against brother. Millions were left homeless (but refreshed). You can find out more in Ken Burns’ 19-part documentary.

Coke’s commercials tended to be dismissive, rarely mentioning Pepsi by name and emphasizing the ubiquity of their product. Pepsi was more directly confrontation, as you can see in this ad. Some time in the distant future, an archeology professor and his students tour the ruins of a 20th century home. He seems well versed in the mores and folkways of this era, except for one object which stumps him.

Quite a big eff-you to the folks at Coke, as was their snagging of Michael Jackson, biggest pop star in the universe, to promo their beverage. Unfortunately, he suffered serious burns while filming an ad for them, due to faulty pyrotechnics. So Pepsi had to turn to another big artist. He didn’t have quite the explosive stage presence as Jackson, but he could dance on the ceiling.

Pepsi also put on some thrilling action sequences, as in this ad for Pepsi Free. Notice the weird banging cans at the end of the ad? I seriously tried to do this eight billion times when I was a kid. I did not succeed in recreating it, but I did succeed in spilling tons of soda.


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Holiday Triumphs 2009

YouTubery Friday: Pee-Wee Christmas!

It’s Friday! Procrastinate and count down to happy hour with these lovely bits!

In case you haven’t heard, Pee-Wee Herman is back! He’s doing live shows and appearing on TV shows and all other sorts of wonderful things.

Is Paul Reubens a bit too old to be doing Pee-Wee Herman? One could make the case. But considering how he was railroaded off TV in the early 90s (and for what, exactly?), I think the man is just making up for unjustly lost time. He could keep doing Pee-Wee until he’s 90 years old, and I would say ‘bravo’!

* Note to Paul Reubens: Please don’t do Pee-Wee when you’re 90. Don’t go out like Groucho.

One part of Pee-Wee’s renaissance is a new, spiffed-up web site, which has many neat things. But perhaps one of the neatest items is The Pee-Wee’s Playhouse Christmas Special, which you can watch there in its entirety. It is one of the most deliriously weird Christmas specials ever made–in the best possible sense, of course.

For a lo-res sample, check out the opening below. A chorus of Marines (I think) sings a Pee-Wee-related carol, then Pee-Wee goes nuts introducing all the Playhouse denizens and special guests. Such luminaries as Frankie Avalon, Little Richard, Whoopi Goldberg, Magic Johnson…the list goes on and on!

Also, did you know that Pee-Wee appeared in the video for the holiday classic “Reggae Christmas”? And did you know that there was a holiday classic called “Reggae Christmas”? And did you know that this holiday classic was sung not by a real reggae artist, but Canadian rocker Bryan Adams?

I’m sure you feel much better now, knowing this exists. Yes, Bryan Adams sucks (he sucks so much that he won’t allow embedding of his videos, hence it’s absence in this post). But Pee-Wee improves anything he’s involved in a full 35 percent. It’s been proven by science.

If you want to watch the OFFICIAL version of the video, it’s here. If you’re wondering why Pee-Wee looks so glum, it’s because his friends made him the MTV VJ for the evening on Christmas and abandoned him shortly thereafter. You can peep the full version here. I would have included it below, but (a) it’s much lower res, and (b) it won’t allow me to turn off autoplay.

Sorry, but I can’t have my webbed site playing “Reggae Christmas” each time it loads. Can’t do it, not even for the love of Pee-Wee.

Holiday Triumphs 2009

Holiday Triumphs: Funny or Die’s “Do They Know It’s Christmas?”

I considered adding “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” to my list of Holiday Horrors. It does meet most of my criteria for a terrible holiday song. It’s not a very good song, for one thing. It’s extremely dated, musically and spiritually. And in its effort to be sympathetic, it sounds insensitive. (“Tonight thank god it’s them instead of you!”)

However, I decided that “Do They Know It’s Christmas”, for all its clueless brand of charity, actually did help people. Then again, such reasoning didn’t stop me from blasting Bob Dylan’s terrible Christmas album, which was also done completely for charity. I guess even more important (for comedic purposes, anyway) is that the song has become such a punchline over the years, treated to so many parodies and skewered in so many forums, that attacking it seems as cliche as attacking airline food.

Especially when it’s been redone by much more capable minds than mine. So I’m gonna turn my frown upside down and highlight a hilarious remake of the song put together by Comedy Death Ray. The cast is a veritable cornucopia of comedy (and comedy-friendly) gods: Patton Oswalt, Brian Posehn, Paul F. Tompkins, Aimee Mann, Rob Huebel, Mary Lynn Rajskub, Weird Al, Doug Benson…it would be easier to list which alt-comedy giants aren’t in this thing!

Actually, it would not be easier to do that. I just got tired of writing all those names.

My favorite moments: Patton Oswalt leaving mid-verse to field a cell phone call. Thomas Lennon calling into the song as David Bowie, while getting a blow job from Mick Jagger (played by Ed Helms). And the rap interlude by Cracked Out, authors of such deathless hip-hop anthems as “Are You Ready to Get Fucked (By Us?)” and “Fuckin Ya Moms in the Ass”.