Category Archives: Holiday Horrors 2010

Holiday Horrors 2010

Holiday Horrors: The Chrisfits

Continuing the fabled tradition begun all the way back in 2009, Scratchbomb presents Holiday Horrors and Holiday Triumphs: an advent calendar of some of the more hideous aspects of this most stressful time of year–with a few bits of awesomeness sprinkled in.

Much like the Teenage Metal Eggnog entry in this series, I actually think the subject of today’s feature is awesome, but I’m putting it amongst the horror because that is where I’m sure it would like to be.

It is The Chrisfits, a Yule-themed Misfits cover band. Although “cover band” doesn’t
quite fit the bill. They actually write new lyrics and, in many cases, apply seasonal instrumentation to them. Witness this repurposing of “Astro Zombies,” entitled “Astro Tidings” and performed with a more gentle arrangement than the original.

But they also do more Misfit-y renditions, like in this tune called “Yuletide Business.”

There’s not whole lot of info out there about The Chrisfits, beyond what’s on their MySpace page. They are apparently from Alberta and list among their influences Burl Ives and figgy pudding. But you know what? I don’t need to know anything else about these guys. Just the fact that there’s a Christmas-themed Misfits cover band out there is enough make me believe in the Christmas spirit again.

And while we’re on the subject, here’s audio of the real Misfits performing a rendition of “Blue Christmas” into “We are 138”.

Holiday Horrors 2010

Holiday Horrors: We Wish You a Turtle Christmas

Continuing the fabled tradition begun all the way back in 2009, Scratchbomb presents Holiday Horrors and Holiday Triumphs: an advent calendar of some of the more hideous aspects of this most stressful time of year–with a few bits of awesomeness sprinkled in.

tmnt_xmas.jpgWhile perusing through some digitzed VHS tapes, I ran across an ad for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze on home video. I contemplated using it as a Holiday Horror entry, mostly for shameful nostalgia reasons.

See, I used to love TMNT, even though I was a little too old to be into it during its heyday. It was probably the last gasp of my “I will watch anything on TV aimed at kids” phase. In retrospect, two things baffle me: 1) Why the cartoon was so insanely different from the original comic book, and 2) Why I kept watching this show well after I got into said comic books. In its original form, TMNT was weird, dark, and vaguely reminiscent of Japanese martial arts movies. The cartoon was goofy and centered around pizza and surfer lingo–and of course was a monster hit among kids during the First Bush administration years.

Unfortunately, the tape that had this commercial was not in the best shape. It looked pretty bad on my computer and even worse when exported to a YouTube-able form. So on a whim, I searched around the interwebs for some TMNT-Christmas stuff. Surely something that was once so huge had tried to cash in on the holidays.

As it turns out, they did. In 1994–well after the height of their popularity–TMNT was responsible a straight-to-video special called We Wish You a Turtle Christmas. That is not a promising title, but the special somehow manages to crawl under even this low bar, with plenty of room to spare. I agree with the sentiments expressed at X-Entertainment*: “You could put my dick in one of those vices they screw on to the tables in middle school woodshop…I still won’t watch it again.”

* I used to read X-Entertainment religiously, yet somehow had never read their takedown of this monstrosity until now. Don’t ask me how that happened.

Continue reading Holiday Horrors: We Wish You a Turtle Christmas →

Holiday Horrors 2010

Holiday Horrors: Egg Nog = BRUTAL

Continuing the fabled tradition begun all the way back in 2009, Scratchbomb presents Holiday Horrors and Holiday Triumphs: an advent calendar of some of the more hideous aspects of this most stressful time of year–with a few bits of awesomeness sprinkled in.

As stated earlier this week, I am a big fan of egg nog. I am not a big fan of metal. But a metal song about egg nog? I think I can get behind that.

Courtesy of Videogum, what we have here is a video from Winnipeg public access circa 1991. In it, a group called Box Lunch–comprised exclusively of 15-year-olds–sings a metal peaon to the frothy seasonal brew. I can’t exactly tell if they’re for or against it, but the point is they’re singing about it.

While I think this is awesome, I am putting it in the Holiday Horrors category because I think any self-respecting metal band would prefer to be known as horrible. Also, check out the hat on the bassist. Remember when it was okay to wear hats like that? Oh lord, the 90s sucked.

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