Category Archives: Christmas Carol Commentary Tracks

Christmas Carol Commentary Tracks: It’s a Marshmallow World

Did you know you know that record labels used to release special commentary tracks to play along with 45s, much like the ones available on your modern DVDs? It’s true! This holiday season, Scratchbomb has transcribed some Yuletide examples of this bygone format and presents them to you now for your reading pleasure. Today, the commentary track for “It’s a Marshmallow World.”

CARL SIGMAN, LYRICIST: I worked with some great composers over the years. Duke Ellington was probably the greatest, in terms of being a true artist and generous collaborator. But even he was very close-minded when it came to my desire to write about food. I composed these gorgeous lyrics about a glazed ham, but Duke just couldn’t wrap his head around them, and decided to title the song “Mood Indigo” instead.

So when I got the chance to write a Christmas song for Bing Crosby, I leaped at the chance. When I was a kid, I’d always imagined that the “white” in “White Christmas” was actually frosting, either on a donut or some kind of star-shaped cookie. I was not deterred by the fact that every single person I ever mentioned this to told me I was dead wrong.

I brought Bing some special holiday lyrics I’d been sitting on for quite some time, just waiting for the perfect opportunity to unveil them. The song was about how the new-fallen snow looks like marshmallows laying on the trees and bushes, and the sun looks a little like pumpkin, and sometimes other people walking in the street look like drumsticks with feet to me. In the final draft, I left that last bit out.

Things did not go as planned. In fact, after Bing read through the first verse, he chased me around the studio while whipping me with his belt. I was so devastated, I went home and thought about giving up the songwriting game altogether. Eventually, I poured my pain and frustration into a set of heart-rending verses about muffins.

As luck would have it, Bing was contractually obligated to release another single before the end of the year, and he had no choice but to record my song. He told me, “If this platter flops, there’s a double belt whipping in your future, pally.”

My faith in food paid off when “Marshmallow World” became a huge hit. It even inspired a few knockoffs, like “Macaroon Planet” and “Pfeffernuss Nation.” I took this as a compliment, in part because the idea of a macaroon planet sounds intriguingly delicious.

So Bing did not double belt-whip me for failing to produce a hit. He did do so years later for completely different reasons, and he also tried to cave my head in with a putter, but that’s another story.

Sadly, despite this success, I’ve never been able to sell any more food-based lyrics. Although for years, I’ve been working on an operetta about a pot roast who learns to love.

Christmas Carol Commentary Tracks: The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Did you know you know that record labels used to release special commentary tracks to play along with 45s, much like the ones available on your modern DVDs? It’s true! This holiday season, Scratchbomb has transcribed some Yuletide examples of this bygone format and presents them to you now for your reading pleasure. Today, the commentary track for “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.”

EDWARD POLA, LYRICIST: This was a really fun song to write. We were tapped to come up with a few songs for the first Andy Williams Christmas album, and they wanted something really rollicking, a song that captured the fun aspects of all the hustle and bustle of the season. Funny story: the label was not a huge fan of the song and tried to promote Andy’s version of “White Christmas” as the big single. But before long, “Wonderful Time” took on a life on its own, in a way that was really flattering.

GEORGE WYLE, COMPOSER: Ed read off his lyrics to me, and they sounded pretty great, exactly what we were looking for, until he says something about “scary ghost stories.” I said to him, “Ed, this is supposed to be a Christmas song.” And he says, “Yeah, that’s why I put in the line about the scary ghost stories.” I stared at him for a while and said, “You know what holiday Christmas is, right?”

POLA: My family comes from a somewhat obscure Eastern Orthodox sect that believes Christmas should be a combination of joyful gift-giving and terror. It used to be so hard for me to go to sleep on Christmas eve because I was so excited about Santa coming, and because my father would rap on my window and shriek demonically through this strange metal horn of his own design. Sounded like a goat being whipped. The next morning, we would all run to the tree and see who got what they wanted and who received the box full of mousetraps and snakes. Mother would make us hot cocoa and lovingly read to us from H.P. Lovecraft’s Cthuhlu tales. And of course, there was the traditional Yuletide bloodening.

WYLE: I told Ed we couldn’t put that line in the song; it would just confuse and disturb people. Everything else is great, just take the line about your childhood of horror.

POLA: I can be pretty stubborn when I want to be, especially when it comes to lyrics. I know what fits the meter perfectly when I see it, and I saw it with “scary ghost stories.” It’s not like I went into graphic detail about our yearly Barn Dance Macabre, or talked about the purification rituals.

WYLE: Ed wouldn’t budge. It got so bad I went to the record label and asked them to do something about it, but it turned out Ed had gone behind my back and talked to Andy Williams first. Andy was behind the idea 100 percent.

ANDY WILLIAMS, SINGER: Ed’s lyrics really took me back to my own childlike wonder and terror. My old man used to wake us up on Christmas morning with pitchforks!

Christmas Carol Commentary Tracks: I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

You might think that the phenomenon of the commentary track began with the invention of the DVD. In truth, the commentary track dates back to the invention of the laserdisc. Shows what you know. Jerk.

But even before that failed home video format, did you know there were special commentary tracks recorded for 45s? It’s true! Several record labels experimented with releasing Commentary Sides, which were meant to run at the same time as the song itself. They contained remarks about the song you were listening to by some of the musicians and composers involved with its creation.

Of course, in order to fully enjoy this feature with the technology of the time, you needed at least two record players and a friend to help you sync up the two. The time and energy involved explains why it never caught on with the general public, and it became one of the more notable “gimmick” failures in the history of the recording industry, almost as bad as Capitol Records’ disastrous “Scratch n’ Sniff Singles.”

However, such discs were produced for decades for a niche collectors’ market, and it just so happens, an eccentric uncle of mine just gifted me his collection of Commentary Sides, just in time for the holiday season. (He needs more space for his Hummels.) So I thought I would present transcriptions of commentaries from some Yuletide favorites. First up, the classic Christmas song “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus,” released in 1952.

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