Category Archives: NYC

NYC

Insert Ethnic/Truck Joke Here

My bus has passed the same truck two mornings in a row on Flushing Avenue. It’s a gleaming blue Ford F-150 with a bunch of construction equipment in the back. It even has a huge slab of concrete with iron handles embedded in it.*

* Is there a word for this? I’ve seen these things all my life and I still have no idea what they are, or what they might be used for. Help!

A pickup truck is not an uncommon site in Brooklyn. But it is jarring when paired with a bumper sticker in Hebrew. Script Hebrew, too, which I guess implies some sort of humor is being employed.

I can neither speak nor read Hebrew, so I can only guess at its message. THE GOOD L*RD MADE THE FORD! I’D RATHER SCHLEP A FORD THAN DRIVE A DODGE!

NYC

RIP Stefan Lutak

I just found out that Stefan Lutak, proprietor of the Holiday Cocktail Lounge in the East Village, died earlier this week.

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Amongst friends o’ mine, the Holiday Cocktail Lounge was the go-to pregame spot for an evening’s festivities. It was rundown yet strangely elegant. It was never too crowded. The seats in the back resembled the kind you’d find in an school bus, including the super-sticky duct tape plastered over the rips. It had an excellent jukebox.

And it was super cheap. You couldn’t get beer beyond Bud, Corona, and Heineken in bottles, or mixed drinks more complicated than a rum and coke. But you could have a few drinks with friends, and leave with your wallet not completely empty.

And somehow, someway, the place was never overrun with douchebags. You would think that a very affordable joint on St. Mark’s Place would attract some vile human beings. I can’t walk into any bar in this city without spotting some loudmouth jerk whose mere presence sours my evening.

Except, amazingly, for the Holiday Cocktail Lounge. It was a rare thing: a truly pure, awesome thing that was never ruined by awful people with tiny imaginations.

hcl_2.jpgThe Holiday Cocktail Lounge ran counter to every modern retail impulse. It was run in the way that old family businesses were in small towns (back when family businesses and small towns still existed). The place was open as long as Stefan felt like staying open. You could stay there all night if he did, but if he felt like going to bed early, you had to pack up and continue drinking elsewhere. Even if Stefan felt like hitting the hay at 9pm on a Saturday night.

It would be great if the Holiday Cocktail Lounge could stay open just as it is, and stand as a shining bulwark against the forces of Creeping Quality-of-Life-Ism. But alas, this is New York City, and even in the midst of an economic freefall, real estate is far too valuable to allow the kind of fun-first dollar-second atmosphere Stefan’s joint fostered.

So hoist one for Stefan tonight, and for the Holiday Cocktail Lounge. We won’t see the likes of either in this city ever again.

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NYC

Vehicular Homicide (of Your Own Dignity)

Speaking of commutes, my morning trip to work involves a lengthy walk once I de-bus. And on my way to the office, I saw a car with several hats in the back window. One of them said ALLENDALE TEQUILA TEAM.

My first thought was, Does this belong to a contestant on Tool Academy? But it was a Honda Civic, and I picture guys from that show driving souped-up Camaros with spinny rims and purple neon around the license plate.

So who could this car possibly belong to? It has to be the kind of person who (1) would actually purchase such a hat, or accept it as a gift from someone, and (2) be so proud of it that they’d display it in their car, and (3) be dumb enough to not think twice about such a move.

Because that’s totally what you want cops to see while you’re driving: an article of clothing in your car that says THERE’S A BETTER THAN 50% CHANCE THIS GUY’S DRUNK RIGHT NOW. I can’t see any way that could lead to you getting pulled over.

Because there are many alcoholic beverages that can be appreciated without inebriation, but tequila is not one of them. If you’re drinking tequila, you have one goal: getting sloshed. And if you have a hat advertising your membership in a TEQUILA TEAM, that further implies that you are extremely dedicated to getting effed up as much as possible.

I almost wanted to stick around and wait for this guy to get back to his car. But either he would be exactly what I think he is–some fat mess in a sweatshirt that says SHIT HAPPENS WHEN YOU PARTY NAKED–or a hipster who put the hat their for its ironic value. Best to marvel at the sight and move on.