Category Archives: Media Morons

Media Morons, Sports, The Funny

Jay Mariotti and the Existential Ball Pit of Shame

mariotti.pngJay Mariotti is here, ready to light up AOL Fanhouse with his unique brand sarcastic humor and avoiding locker room confrontation. Where’s my desk? Where’s the cafeteria? Do you guys have a Good Humour vending machine?

tiny.jpgUm, Jay, I’m afraid you misunderstood. When we offered you a job, it wasn’t at AOL Fanhouse, it was at AOL Fun House!

mariotti.pngAOL Fun House? What’s that?

tiny.jpgWhy, it’s only the most radical, awesomest house of all! And here’s the guy who put the fun in AOL Fun House, J.D. Roth!

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Football, Media Morons, The Funny

The NBC Football Night in America Production of Paper Lion

costas2.jpgNBC’s Football Night in America Wild Card Weekend Something or Other is proud to welcome former president of the Lions, Matt Millen. Thanks for being such a good sport and being with us, Matt. I have to say, though, I’m surprised your head is so big. I thought for sure it’d be canteloupe sized. Or at the very least, more of a pinhead shape.

millen.jpgNo, no, I have a normal head.

costas2.jpgFascinating. So you are not legally required to wear some sort of helmet? Not even for insurance purposes? Because surely your skull is as soft as a newborn baby’s. I imagine it as one big fontanel.

millen.jpgAll the seams in my skull knitted together a long time ago.

costas2.jpgHow about a dunce cap, do you usually wear that? Or a propeller beanie? Maybe one of those floppy crowns like Jughead wore?

millen.jpgI don’t care much for hats.

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Football, Pundidiots, The Funny

The New York Douchebag Sportswriters Guild Decrees Eric Mangini’s Fate

lupica.jpgAs chairman of the New York Douchebag Sportswriters’ Guild, I, Mike Lupica, call this meeting to order. First item of business, all praise and worship be due to Gorlaqk the Dread.

MurrayChass.jpgHail Gorlaqk!

lupica.jpgIndeed, Murray Chass. Second item of business, it looks like Eric Mangini might have a job interview with the Cleveland Browns. Do we think this is the next best move for him? The floor recognizes Phil Mushnick.
mushnick.jpgNo. Not only did he lead the Jets to a disastrous end, but he didn’t heed a word of our invaluable advice!
lupica.jpg
Shall we cut him any slack because that advice varied wildly among all of us from minute to minute?

MurrayChass.jpgSurely you jest! There is only one honorable thing for Mangini to do: take his own life.

raissman.jpgMy mustache and I agree. To go on living would do nothing but bring shame upon his ancestors. It would also make it seem as if our pointed barbs did no damage to his fragile psyche–which surely cannot be true!

lupica.jpgI concur, Bob Raissman. So we’re agreed that Eric Mangini can only truly find peace in the icy grip of the grave. The question follows: What would be the best method?

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