Category Archives: Interweb

Interweb

The Secrets of My Success

“Sir, you do have decent credit, but if we’re going to offer you this loan, you’ll need to put some collateral against it. Do you have anything of value to offer?”

“Why yes, I do”

*lays a dozen fake Twitter accounts on loan officer’s desk*

“You’ve been approved, my good man!”

* * *

“Your résumé is certainly extensive, but we have many candidates vying for this job. I’d like to know if you possess any unique skills that uniquely qualify you for this position.”

“Yes, I believe I do.”

*shares 1400-word essay about “Steampipe Alley,” followed by detailed recounting of several mid-80s McDonalds commercials*

“When can you start?”

* * *

“I have to admit, you make a solid pitch, but I’ve seen a ton of sales presentations today and I’m having a hard time deciding which is the best. Are there any other reasons we should want to do business with you?”

“Yes, there are.”

*reels off several jokes about jarts and Boku drink boxes*

“Stop drillin’, you hit oil!”

* * *

“I gotta be honest, I get a lotta people coming in here saying they’re gonna be the next Hemingway. Is there some extra special reason why should I take you on as a client?”

“I believe there is.”

*displays massive tome about Edgardo Alfonzo*

“Lookin’ forward to workin’ with ya!”

Interweb

Knee Deep in the Hoopla

So: Yesterday on Twitter, I saw ESPN’s Keith Law RT a post from McSweeney’s. Keith Law is not usually my go-to source for humor writing, but I clicked nonetheless, and found a story called “You Built This City on What?” The basic premise is, an economic development team manager explains to an angry audience how/why he has decided to build their city on rock and roll, a la the terrible Starship song from the 1980s.

It was amusing enough, but I had the immediate feeling of deja vu. Because back in April of 2010, I posted something on this site with an almost identical premise, “In Retrospect, It Was a Mistake to Build This City on Rock and Roll.”

Do I think I was ripped off? Not really. I admit it’s not the most original premise in the world. In fact, when I wrote it, I furiously googled to make sure that someone hadn’t written something similar already, because I had this nagging notion in the back of my head that I’d read something like it and forgotten about it. I often do this when I start on a new piece (for here or elsewhere) as a quick sanity check before expending effort that may be accidentally plagiaristic.

For whatever reason, in the case of my “We Built This City…” notion, I was really sure that someone had beaten me to the punch until I did the research to convince myself otherwise. So I guess I just wish this author had done something similar. I don’t know how deep he’d have to dig to find my post in Google, but I’d like to think 2-3 pages deep would’ve done it. A search for “built this city mistake” puts me on page one, in fact. No digging necessary.

Not saying my post was a great work of art, but I’d like to think having the idea first counts for something. Plus, last I checked, googlin’s free.

Interweb, Sports

Support Your Local Sporting Scene

If you read this site and/or follow me on Twitter and the like, I’m guessing there’s a very good chance you’ve heard this news already. On the off chance you haven’t, have you heard the news?

It seems that a veritable supergroup of great writerly types is teaming up to make a brand new daily sporting web site called The Classical. Like who? The first name that caught yours truly’s eye was Tom Scharpling, whose Best Show on WFMU I’ve waxed about rhapsodically on this show many times. Aside from being one of the funniest people around, he is also an NBA fan ne plus ultra (see this interview for evidence) and can speak/write on the subject with the utmost authority, and thus is an ideal catch for such an endeavor.

But when it comes to the roster of champs involved with this endeavor, that is far from all. There’s Bethlehem Shoals of Free Darko fame (read their hoops books if you haven’t, because you should). Tim Marchman, one of the best and most criminally underused baseball writers in America. Eric Nusbaum from Pitchers and Poets. David Roth, whose weekly sporting chats at The Awl (w/David Raposa) never fail to crack me up. And that is but a sampling.

Okay, great, they’re gonna do a website. Why am I writing about it? Because in order to make The Classical “a sustainable business, rather than yet another blog or Tumblr” (their words), they need dough. So they’ve set up a Kickstarter page with the goal of raising $50,000 to make this a reality. If you’re on the fence about whether you’d like to contribute to the cause, I’d suggest reading the Project Description and the full list of contributors, and above all else, watching the accompanying video, which has some hilarious visual cues.

And of course, if you do contribute, you’re in line for some valuable schwag, including (but not limited to) a chip clip. But if you can’t swing a contribution (times are tough, I know), you can always like The Classical on Facebook, or tweet about it, or mention it on the social media platform of your choice. It’s free, and it helps.

From what I can tell, the response has been pretty great thus far; as I post this, The Classical has already raised over $11K. But that’s obviously not quite their goal, so if you’ve ever complained about call-in radio shows or lamented the general meatheadedness of sports commentary, please consider doing your part to elevating said commentary on the interwebs. Future generations will thank you.