Todd Grunfeld, proprietor of Winger’s, just emailed me because he’s heard there’s a possibility of a wing shortage. With less than a week before the Super Bowl, such a shortage could have some catastrophic results for the snacking public and America’s growing ranks of mobility scooter owners.

Todd wanted me to assure my readers that all of his Winger’s locations will be well-stocked with wings in plenty of time for the Big Game. He told me that he’s ordered a special shipment of 17 truck containers of emergency wing rations at great expense from a chicken processing facility in rural Manitoba. Their safe arrival will be guaranteed by armed mercenaries on loan from Blackwater.

And I am only passing along this info because Todd promised me that if I did, he’d find some way to rid my site of that awful, awful ad.