All posts by Matthew Callan

Rising from the Dead

A few nights ago, I got a chance to listen to music. Just sit and listen and to music, not doing anything else. If that doesn’t sound remarkable to you, I assume you don’t have the disease I have which forces me to do twelve things at once. You also must not have a 2-year-old stomping around your house. Kids prevent you from doing the darnedest things!

It was a weirdly liberating experience, because I was able to reacquaint myself with music I’d almost forgotten I loved. One track really popped out for me, and made the hair on my neck stand up (which is, sadly, the only hair near my head): “Wolf Boys” by Life Detecting Coffins. That song completely destroys me every time I hear it.

Their album Catatonic Begat Napoleonic is so unbelievable…I won’t even attempt to describe it. I can’t think of any meaningful comparisons that won’t dilute what I mean. I have this very short list of albums that create this atmosphere, this self-contained universe that, when I’m listening to them, I don’t want to leave. Catatonic Begat Napoleonic is one of those albums.*

* Also on that list (though not limited to the following):

Miles Ahead, Miles Davis
Get Happy and Trust, Elvis Costello (I love all of the early albums, but these two kill me; I think because Elvis was so worn out and pained when he wrote them)
Double Nickels on the Dime, The Minutemen
Black Star, Mos Def and Talib Kweli

Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I know the guys in the band. I guess you could say I grew up with some of them (depending on your definition of “grew up”, and if I have, in fact, grown up). But I think I’d feel the same way even if I didn’t know them from Adam. Believe me, if had friends who were in a band that sucked, I’d have no problem politely ignoring their artistic endeavors.*

*Although, if I think about it, I’ve known tons of people who played in bands, and very very extremely very few of those bands were bad. I don’t think it’s because I cut those bands slack–I think I just lucked out. Or I have high standards in friends.

I’m genuinely baffled as to why LDC didn’t become The New Hotness at some point. Not that they should be selling out stadiums and playing on The Tonight Show. But they used to play a lot of shows with spiritually similar bands who were much more popular–Off Minor most often, since Kevin played bass in both bands.

I thought for sure that this exposure would earn them a much deserved wider audience. And yet, they never blew up the way I thought they would. It was especially annoying to watch a crowd politely applaud them, then go nuts for some other band with a fraction of the creativity.*

*Not referring to Off Minor, who I genuinely like. But I saw LDC play with a ton of blah, ordinary hardcore bands that people went nuts for. It was intensely frustrating for me just to watch; I can’t imagine what it was like for them to live.

I don’t think LDC is broken up per se, but its members are not in close geographic proximity to one another anymore. So I fear they may be defunct, for all intents and purposes. But do yourself a favor: point yourself to their MySpace page and give “The Island Song” a spin. If you like what you hear, get Catatonic Begat Napoleonic. I promise good things.

IOU, IRS

Yesterday I received a note from the IRS, telling me I underpaid my 2006 tax return. The damage comes to less than 60 bucks. So of course I will pay it, because I have no desire to get audited or lose any hope of ever owning anything of value.

But here’s the thing: A 2006 return is for the 2005 calendar year. That’s 4 years ago now. I have no effing clue what I did that year. I mean, I do, but I couldn’t prove it. I might have receipts and documents somewhere, but I wouldn’t count on it. At least, I wouldn’t count on having everything I need. I probably have my W2’s, but anything else is probably tucked away in some envelope shoved at the bottom of a milk crate, next to old seven-inches.

So it occurs to me that this is actually a fradulent revenue-raising tactic for the federal government. You take people who make a certain amount of money. You pick a year that’s long ago enough to be hazy in people’s memories, but not so long ago that it’s ridiculous. Then, you pick an amount of money that they “owe” that won’t kill anyone.

Say you get eight digits of Americans to just write a check. That ain’t chump change.

What if you fight it? Then you get summoned to your local IRS office. They seat you in a dimly lit room with one long desk and two seats. They make you sit there for a while and sweat it out. Then some officious looking person enters, sits across from you, and slides a manila envelope your way. You open it up and discover 8-by-10 glossies of yourself doing something awful.

YOU: Where’d you get these?
IRS GUY: That’s not important. What is important is for you to pay that fine.
YOU: Yeah, but what I’m doing here…technically, it’s not illegal.
IRS GUY: No, but I’d bet you still don’t want those pictures posted all over the Internet.
YOU: *sigh* Fine, I’ll get my checkbook.

We’re through the looking glass here, people…

And that Little Boy Who Nobody Loved Grew Up to Be…

Just heard (thanks to eagle-eyed reader TheWhiteBoomBoom) that the kid from Jersey named Adolf Hitler has been taken from his parents. Contain your shock if you can, please.

Most people, I’m sure, are happy to hear this. Me, I just hope his home situation was actually abusive or unsafe enough to warrant this move, because I think kids should only be put into foster care under extreme circumstances. I fear that the town Adolf lives in was embarrassed by the attention and pressured into doing something, even if his parents provided him a reasonable home.

Maybe reasonable isn’t the right word. How about adequate? Tolerable? Sufficient in all respects except for constant stream of hatred issuing from dad’s mouth?

My point is, yeah, I yelled bout this case when it popped up like everyone else. But on further reflection, I just hope the relocation was necessary. Being racist doesn’t necessarily make you an unfit parent. If it did, then at least half of the kids I grew up with should have been taken away by Child Protective Services.

Then again, simply naming your kid Adolf Hitler is a form of abuse. That’s a scar that ain’t gonna heal.