All posts by Matthew Callan

Technical Nonsense

Yes We Can (Create Unnecessary Work For Ourselves)!

Here’s the thing: I had planned to totally listen through the final MP3 of the first triumphant episode of Holy Goddamn!, but time conspired against me. Plus, I got a little anxious. So I posted it anyway, confident that nothing could possible be wrong with it (from a technical standpoint, anyway).

Of course, listening to it later, I discovered that the “final” MP3 had some weird digital noise attached to all of the spoken word bits. I didn’t really want to output a new file, but I found this noise way too distracting to let go. “Hey, that should be easy to remove” I says to myself.

*doodly-doodly-doo* Seven hours later, drenched in sweat and self-defeat, I finally removed this noise.

Unfortunately, if you’ve already subscribed to the podcast and want to download this episode, you will probably have to go into iTunes and unsubscribe. Then, once you’ve done that, click here to resubscribe.

Sorry to create extra work for alla y’all, but I promise this new version sounds much, much better. It doesn’t sound like I’m yelling through a kid’s Darth Vader voice box anymore. If you need proof, check out the original post and try out the Flash player to sample the improvements.

And if you notice anything else wrong in the podcast, GO TO HELL! I mean, please let me know.

Politics Schmolitics

Don’t Let the Door Hitcha Where the Good Lord Splitcha

I’m usually against the yahoo-ification of public discourse, particularly in the political realm. I hate that morons like Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity have lowered civic discussions to the level of barroom brawls. And I hate that whenever you go to any sporting event, before “The Star Spangled Banner” ends, you are sure to hear a few idiots yell FUCK YEAH! and USA! USA!

But I have to stand back and applaud some of the brave Americans attending today’s inauguration. For they saw our outgoing president emerge from his hidey hole, and they began to chant NA NA NA NA, NA NA NA NA, HEY HEY HEYYY, GOOOODBYYYYE!

I have to admit, I got a little teary. I am so proud to be an American right now…

And if someone could YouTube that crap, that would awesome.

Politics Schmolitics

It’s the Little Things

Last week, the front page of the Daily News featured the official portrait of President-Elect Obama, the one that will be featured in every federal building. When I saw the pic, it suddenly dawned on me: After today, I’ll never have to see George Bush if I don’t want to.

If I go to the DMV, I won’t have to see his Alfred E. Neuman smirk. When I go to the post office, I won’t have to avert my eyes from his vapid, incurious stare. If I get called to jury duty, I won’t have to studiously avoid looking at his pampered, entitled face for hours on end.

When Bush appears on TV from not on, it will only be to nervously defend his monstrous legacy, He’ll only appear on Fox News every now and then to prop up some more
fiction about how his administration “inherited” every evil thing it did or
caused or allowed to happen.

So I won’t feel obligated to keep watching him because he just might make some announcement that will make our lives even worse. Like, “Oh, by the way, we’re invading France. Just ’cause. Try and stop me, assholes!”

In fact, I wonder if even Fox News will continue to defend the Bush legacy. Because before long, defending Bush won’t be necessary for anyone anymore. Even people who will oppose Obama at every turn will do so on terms defined by the new political reality he represents, not by the rotten scraps Bush left behind.

I never want to see this asshole again, for any reason. I can learn nothing from even hating him anymore.

On MSNBC, Chris Matthews just articulated something I felt but couldn’t quite put into words until now. He got offended when someone compared Bush to Nixon. In his opinion, Nixon was a tragic figure, almost Shakespearean, felled by his hubris and ambition.

That’s the primary difference: Nixon was a fascinating man, and Bush is anything but. You can imagine Nixon wandering around San Clemente, wondering where he went wrong, even feeling some remorse for his evils at times.

We’ll continue to study Nixon. We’ll study the Bush Presidency, but Bush the Man will stay untouched by historians. There is nothing under his surface to touch.

When a tornado hits, you examine the wreckage, and you look at the meterological causes, but you don’t study the tornado itself because it doesn’t exist. It touches the ground, destroys everything in its path, and dissipates into the air from whence it came.

Don’t you understand? Now we all can ignore Bush. Even people who agree with him on certain political issues, so they felt forced to defend him even in his most idiotic, clueless, wreckless, monstrous moments. Conservative, liberal, it doesn’t matter–we’re all free of this moron now.

We all can choose to ignore him for the rest of our natural lives. I know it seems hard to believe. We’re all like battered spouses who’ve finally escaped an abusive mate–even though it’s all over, it’s still hard to believe that it’s all over.

This realization is probably the smallest thing that will happen today, or in the next few months. But after eight years of Bush, it feels huge.