All posts by Matthew Callan

Videocracy

“A German Shepherd Is Coming Your Way”

Robert Popper–one of the geniuses behind Look Around You and Radio Spiritworld–posted this video to his webbed site. It is one of the funniest clips I’ve since The Winnebago Man. (It would be the funniest, had I not recently exposed to The Gathering of the Juggalos.) It actually has quite a bit in common with The Winnebago Man, since it manages to pack years of frustration, anger, and resentment into a few small minutes.
 

Why is this so funny? Let’s count the ways.

There’s the weird framing involved; either this psychic is a midget or the cameraman is 9 feet tall. I can think of no other reason why they chose to leave so much bluescreen above the man’s head.

There’s the completely childish, lowest-common-denominator insults launched at this psychic. And the psychic’s immediate retorts, many of which are just as crude as that taunts that prompted them.

But if I had to pick, I’d say my favorite moment is the psychic invoking the turn-the-other-cheek philosophy of Jesus Christ–seconds after he’s proclaimed that everyone who insulted him during this show will die over the weekend.

Public access cable: the gift that keeps on giving,

Politics Schmolitics

Lou Dobbs Gets to the Bottom of Everything

dobbs.jpgThe debate rages–RAGES!–on about President Obama’s place of birth. Obama insists he was born in the US, and government officials in his supposed native state of Hawaii and elsewhere say they’ve seen his birth certificate and it’s valid. But since I haven’t seen it right in front of me, with my own eyes, I say this issue is still up for debate.

You know what else is up for debate? Mummies. Scientists say they don’t exist. But I’ve seen ’em in movies. Like The Mummy, and The Mummy Returns, and The Bad News Mummies in Breaking Training. Who am I supposed to believe–scientists or my own eyes? And if mummies don’t exist, why do I wet the bed every night because I dream I’m being chased by one?

Scientists also tell us that there’s something called The Air that supplies us with oxygen. Well, I ain’t never seen it! Prove it to me, Poindexter! Show me air in a box, then we’ll talk! And don’t feed me no jazz about the wind. Everyone knows the wind is god sneezing.

And what about my penis? My doctor tells me I still have one, technically, but I haven’t seen the damn thing for years. I know what you’re thinking: “Lou, how do you pee without one?” I don’t know!

Coming up on the Lou Dobbs program starring Lou Dobbs: Should all Mexicans be killed, or merely imprisoned?

Videocracy

Adventures in Public Access Cable, or, Forever in Blue Screens!

Earlier this week, I saw this sports talk program on Queens Public Access. You know, this guy seems to know what he’s talking about regarding the NBA draft, but I feel like he’s undermining his points in some way. I can’t quite put my finger on why, though. Maybe it’s just a gut feeling. What do you guys think?

Maybe he didn’t know Rubio would play hardball with Minnesota? I mean, everyone knew there was a chance he’d stay in Europe–or at least hold that over the T-Wolves’ heads. Yeah, that’s gotta be it.