All posts by Matthew Callan

Politics Schmolitics

The Constitution Protects My Small Arsenal

militia.jpgExcuse me, I’d like to enter this presidential town hall meeting. What seems to be the hold up?

Whoah, since when am I not allowed to bring a weapon into a town hall meeting? Last time I checked, this was still America!

Yes, I do have multiple weapons on me. I can’t just walk in here with just one! A single handgun might be good enough for Sunday mass or my son’s soccer game, but this is a town hall meeting we’re talking about here!

I don’t know how you could interpret this array of weaponry as some sort of threat to the president. All I want to do is brandish several firearms well within firing range of our commander-in-chief. Since when is that a crime?!

The Constitution protects might right to free speech, and the Constitution protects my right to bear arms. Therefore, it protects my right to exercise both of those rights simultaneously. I came hear to have my voice heard. And I find people pay closer attention to me when I’m heavily armed.

This canister? It contains homemade napalm. Nothing beats homemade, I always say. People are so desensitized to guns these days, what with all the violent movies and TV shows and so on. Sometimes you need access to jellied incendiaries that can melt a man’s face off. You know, to really get your point across.

You’re looking at me as if I’m some kind of a crackpot! All I want to do is attend this presidential town hall meeting and express my concerns about the national health care plan. And also ask the president how he bribed the Kenyan government to hide his real birth certificate.

Is it me? Am I the crazy one here? Because I really don’t understand why you’d be so concerned about me bringing several assault rifles, napalm, and a catapult to this town hall meeting where the president will also be in attendance.

Yes, I have a catapult. Don’t tell me I can’t bring that in, either!

Fine, I’ll leave. But I’d appreciate it if you’d hand the president this weirdly shaped envelope leaking white powder.

1999 Project

1999 Project: Post-All-Star-Break Interleague (and International) Extravaganza

Click here for an intro/manifesto on The 1999 Project.

A quick jaunt through the eight-game road trip that started the second half of the season (and a desperate attempt to catch up with this crazy project).

After the All-Star Break, baseball’s attention was diverted by the umpires, who threatened to resign en masse on September 2 if they could not negotiate a new contract with MLB. They adopted this strategy because their current contract prevented them from striking, and they hoped going on the offensive would force the owners’ hands. It was a bold move, but for some of the umps, it would not end well.

canseco_rays.jpgJuly 15, 1999: Mets 8, Devil Rays 7 (10)

First up: the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, in their second year of existence and not yet shorn of their demonic name. They were also not ready for the same meteoric rise as their expansion-mates, the Diamondbacks (who were 6 games over .500 and on their way to a division title). Though they did outpace Arizona in hideous uniforms, as you can see here.

Tampa was a mix of superstars at the end of their careers (Wade Boggs, Fred McGriff, Jose Canseco) and everyday starters who’d be be no more than complimentary bench players on virtually any other team (such as future Mets Bubba Trammell and Miguel Cairo).

Still, the Mets trailed early in this one. Al Leiter gave up a solo shot and a two-run homer to put them in a 3-0 hole. They rallied for two runs without benefit of a hit in the top of the fifth, thanks to some walks and a throwing error by Aaron Ledesma (a rushed throw caused in part by the speed of Roger Cedeno). More walks and more bad fielding led to four more runs in the seventh and one in the eighth, giving the Mets a seemingly comfortable 7-3 lead.

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Tuneage

Golden Anniversary for Kind of Blue

Fifty years ago today, Miles Davis’ Kind of Blue was released. It’s an album everyone says is one of the greatest ever made. It is also one of those rare occasions where everyone is right.

There’s probably been more words written about this album than there are notes played in the sessions. So there’s not much more you can say about it. All I know is, I’d put up with a million Kenny G’s to listen to this album. I could listen to “Blue in Green” a million times and still be astounded by Bill Evans.

It never ceases to amaze me how unbelievably ahead of the curve Miles Davis was, throughout his entire career (well, until the 80s, anyway). Who in music today is so far in front of everyone the way he was? No one. Not even close.