All posts by Matthew Callan

Videocracy

YouTubery Friday: Danzig Meets Shakira and Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace

It’s Friday! Procrastinate and countdown to happy hour with these lovely bits!

Call this edition “Late to the Party”, since it focuses on two things I should have watched/discovered much sooner. No matter! The important thing is, I know about them now, and soon, so shall you (if you didn’t already).

The first reinforces a comedic principle that I believe in sincerely: Danzig is funny. On rare occasions, he is funny on purpose, as in his guest appearance on Aqua Teen Hunger Force. But he’s even more funny when being mocked, as in the video where someone compiled a Danzig grocery list. Or in the video where he gets knocked the eff out on one punch.

But I think my favorite Danzig video has to be this one, wherein he and Shakira duet on a Misfits-esque version of “Hips Don’t Lie”. This video has been around for quite a while–like, two years, apparently, but I only recently stumbled on it. Better late than never, I says.

Speaking of better late then never, earlier this week I finally saw a show whose entire conceit is “better late than never”, called Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace. I’d heard of it, and heard it was good, but hadn’t seen it until The Onion AV Club featured it in a story on TV shows about TV shows. After watching the clip the featured, I spent a good hour watching all the Darkplace stuff I could find (because, of course, I have nothing better to do).

The premise of the show: famous author Garth Marenghi wrote, produced, and starred in the titular show in the 1980s, a supernatural-y hospital drama that was “so radical, so risky, so dangerous, so god damn crazy that the so-called powers that be became to scared to show it!”

So it languished in his basement, until “the worst artistic drought in British television history” brought Darkplace back to the airwaves. The show-within-a-show is a pitch-perfect send-up of every 80s drama you’ve ever seen, with production values and acting talent that make the average SyFy channel movie look like Citizen Kane. Plus a creator/star with a massive ego and no sense of his many limitations.

And like most 80s shows, the Darkplace characters would occasionally bust out a Miami Vice-type musical montage, like this one.

1999 Project

1999 Project: Atlanta, Round 3

Click here for an intro/manifesto on The 1999 Project.

As I wrote on this site recently, I’ve tried to be objective when compiling the 1999 Project. I wanted it to be a celebration of that Mets team and not a means for me to air grievances or give vent to my prejudices (except for my feeling that Steve Phillips should be waterboarded, which I’ve made zero attempt to disguise). But when it comes to the Braves, that is impossible for me. So I’ll just throw this out there and not try and pretend otherwise: I hate them.

chipper2.jpgI hate the Braves. I truly hate them. They might be the only thing I truly, genuinely hate. Like a lot of people, I use the word ‘hate’ way too often–particularly on this site–when what I really mean is that I dislike something/someone a lot. Hate is a strong word, and an ugly word. I would go so far as to say I don’t actually hate anyone or anything. Except for the Braves. God, I hate them.

It bubbles up every time I see them, even though these are not the Braves of ten years ago. The only remaining strands to connect that team with the team of 2009 are Chipper Jones and Bobby Cox. They even have one player I kind of like, Brian McCann (there’s something endearing about a slugging catcher forced to wear glasses).

But I went to the last Mets/Braves game of the year this week, and there were a few Atlanta fans in attendance at CitiField. Seeing that ‘A’ hat, hearing them cheer for Chipper Jones, watching them do their idiotic/unoriginal/racist Tomahawk Chop, I felt boiling up within me all this anger and resentment and…hate. Just pure, undiluted hate.

I don’t hate any other team. There’s a few individual players I dislike on the Phillies, but I don’t hate the team (even if its fanbase makes me want to hate them). I have no respect for the Marlins (either as a team or an organization), but I don’t hate them. I’d prefer to not hear about the MAJESTY and TRADITION of the Yankees all the time (which is impossible if you live in New York, or watch ESPN), but I don’t hate them–even if, like Philly, their fanbase contains a large number of eminently hateable people. I have negative feelings toward some other teams for various stupid reasons, but I don’t hate them.

Only the Braves stir up this feeling within me. Only when I see Braves players high-fiving each other in the dugout do I think to myself, Jesus, I wanna slap every one of their faces.

This feeling is so deeply ingrained within me that I can’t remember ever not feeling this way. It wasn’t until I embarked on this project, and examined the documentary evidence available to me, that I realized the Mets and Braves weren’t always mortal enemies.

For most of the 1999 season, even as the two teams juggled between first and second place, there was no rivalry speak of. The Mets complimented the Braves on their success. The Braves admitted the Mets were a team to be reckoned with. Mets fans wanted to beat the Braves because it meant the team could win the NL East. They didn’t want to literally beat the Braves with blunt instruments.

Before the season was out, this would change. And it began with this series in Atlanta.

Continue reading 1999 Project: Atlanta, Round 3 →

"Classic" Scratchbomb, Baseball

“Classic Scratchbomb”: Come Back Home, Bobby V, All Is Forgiven

bobby+valentine.jpgToday, Bob Raissman of the Daily News reported that Bobby Valentine is close to signing a “lucrative multi-year deal” with ESPN, and will join the crowded ranks of Baseball Tonight.

I, for one, am sad. I’m glad Bobby V is employed, but Baseball Tonight is a pile of trash-fed garbage. The MLB Network’s nightly rundowns of baseball action blow BBTN out of the water. In the gap of quality between them, you could drive a Mack truck through a cruise ship. If there was a footrace between the two, MLB Network would be already across the finish line, and BBTN would still be tying its shoes.

However, with Bobby V joining ESPN, I may finally get to see a dream realized: watching someone beat the living shit out of Steve Phillips, live on television

But I’m also sad because this, in all likelihood, means he will not be managing the Mets any time soon. Jerry Manuel, you seem like a nice guy…scratch that. You don’t seem like a nice guy, since you drove both Ramon Castro and Ryan Church out of town for reasons that I still don’t understand. And you’re also not a very good manager.

But Bobby V, that man could manage some baseball. I’ve tried to remain as neutral as possible in my ongoing 1999 Project. But it doesn’t take a sharp eye to notice that I assert the following theses whenever I can: 1) The Braves are Satan; 2) Steve Phillips should be horsewhipped; 3) Bobby Valentine was a genius.

I covered this territory in 2008, after viewing the excellent documentary The Zen of Bobby V. Feast on my wisdom after the jump, or click here for the original post.

Continue reading “Classic Scratchbomb”: Come Back Home, Bobby V, All Is Forgiven →