Holiday Horrors: Hyundai Christmas Ads

Continuing the fabled tradition begun all the way back in 2009, Scratchbomb presents Holiday Horrors and Holiday Triumphs: an advent calendar of some of the more hideous aspects of this most stressful time of year–with a few bits of awesomeness sprinkled in.

Admittedly, I am stretching the definition of “horrors” pretty wide for today’s entry. This is more like a petty annoyance. A very petty one, in fact. But I wouldn’t want to live in a world where I wasn’t allowed to be petty now and then.

The subjects of my ire are the Hyundai ads with a twee musical couple called Pomplamoose (seriously?) doing precious renditions of holiday songs. They’re a poor man’s version of She and Him. If you think Belle and Sebastian is a bit too macho, this is the group for you.

Is there holiday stuff out there worse than this? Of course, much, much worse. But the cutesy quality of this is song is so grating, it’s like being bludgeoned with marshmallow Peeps. It’s so fey and convinced of its own cleverness, it’s like a New York Times subscription ad turned into music. I find it uncomfortable and annoying, but in a really gentle way, like being softly tickled by someone I don’t like while stuffed in a Whole Foods tote bag.

And it’s forcing me to stretch my Simile Powers to their breaking points. So boo, Hyundai. Be gone, and never darken my towels again.

Holiday Triumphs: A Wish for Wings that Work

Continuing the fabled tradition begun all the way back in 2009, Scratchbomb presents Holiday Horrors and Holiday Triumphs: an advent calendar of some of the more hideous aspects of this most stressful time of year–with a few bits of awesomeness sprinkled in.

In retrospect, I wonder how Bloom County happened. It was deeply, genuinely deranged, and yet enormously popular. As a kid, I remember seeing Bloom County collections alongside Garfield ones at the local Waldenbooks (I’m old).

Then again, this was at the same time that both Calvin and Hobbes and The Far Side were nationwide sensations. It was the last gasp of the great newspaper cartoon era. Take a look at that section nowadays–if your local rag even has them–and you’ll see the funny pages have degenerated in every conceivable way since Bloom County’s heyday.

Much like Calvin and Hobbes, Bloom County fell victim when its vision clashed with the increasingly philistine newspaper world. Creator Berkeley Breathed ended the strip in 1989, then pared it down into a Sunday-only feature, Outland, that ran until 1995. Both strips featured the series’ inexplicably most popular characters, a self-loathing penguin named Opus and a non-verbal drug casualty, Bill the Cat.

I say inexplicably because seriously, on what earth should these characters become so beloved? And not among snooty liberal elites and assorted hipsters, but everybody? It’s hard to imagine such a thing happening in modern, ghetto-ized culture, where everyone has their own little niche and stays there.

Both characters also starred in the series’ first and only animated special, a Christmas tale entitled A Wish for Wings that Work. Near as I can tell, it debuted in 1991 (along with a book of the same name), aired once, and then was quickly consigned to the dustbin of holiday history. Which is a shame, because it is amazing.

The special captures much of the weirdness and feel of the strip, and eschews all of the topical humor that has caused some Bloom County material to not age well. (Turns out John Sununu jokes don’t have long shelf lives.) There are tons of little details and Easter eggs to delight the sharp eye, like a pair of pictures on Opus’s wall that yawn in unison with him. It has some vocal heavyweights behind it, including Robin Williams and Dustin Hoffman in uncredited roles. And the plot–Opus begging Santa for wings that will finally allow him to fly–is touching without being sappy.

But the real attraction here is the animation, which is stunning. I’m having a hard time thinking of a Christmas special with superior animation. Even the most beloved holiday specials (Charlie Brown Christmas, Rudolph) have remained so more for their stories and/or songs than their production.

It’s telling that even though Bloom County was more a verbal comic strip than a visual one, long stretches of A Wish for Wings are brave enough to be quiet and let the art speak for itself. It evokes the grayness and whiteness of winter, landscapes with long monotonous stretches. In a strange way, it reminds me of the simple, endless desert expanses of Krazy Kat.

Thankfully, this was released on DVD a few years ago. So return whatever Netflix disc you have that’s collecting dust on your shelf and put this at number one in your queue. You will not be sorry.

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Holiday Horrors: “Rock n Roll Santa”

Continuing the fabled tradition begun all the way back in 2009, Scratchbomb presents Holiday Horrors and Holiday Triumphs: an advent calendar of some of the more hideous aspects of this most stressful time of year–with a few bits of awesomeness sprinkled in.

We live in the golden age of the Local Kook. Once upon a time, if there was some wacky eccentric in your town, he or she would toil away in tin-foil-hatted obscurity. But nowadays, even the most obscure nuts can make it big on the interwebs.

One such example: Jan Terri, a Windy City resident who fancies herself a songwriter and performer. She also makes videos for these songs. Really bad videos, apparently shot on a camcorder. Said videos became something of an internet sensation a few years back, and she has many online devotees, some of them unironic ones.

She has more range than her fellow Chicagoan, Wesley Willis, but a similarly myopic view of the world. All of her videos are padded out with odd, seemingly endless shots of random buildings. She films herself on location for no discernible reason. And the videos are edited about as well as camcorder footage can be edited, which is to say, hatchet-like.

Among her many oeuvres is a Christmas tune called “Rock n Roll Santa.” Truth be told, this is not a bad song, musically. You will hear much, much worse tunes at the mall during the holidays. Unfotunately, Ms. Terri is not a gifted lyricist, or a singer. In penning verses, she’s closer to the aforementioned Mr. Willis than Ira Gershwin. In voice, too, sadly. I don’t know if Ira could carry tune, but he’d have to be better than Terri, since virtually everyone is.

I struggled over whether I should include this in the Holiday Horrors category. When it comes to found video stuff like this, I always wonder if mocking it says more about the mocker than the mockee. Clearly, Terri and her cohorts are having a blast making this video. Who am I to make fun of this, like I’m such a big shot? (Last sentence written by my mom.)

Ultimately, I decided that this could not go into the Holiday Triumphs because, at the end of the day, it’s too weird not to be some form of Horror. So in that spirit, here’s some horror!

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