Monthly Archives: December 2010

Holiday Horrors 2010

Holiday Horrors: The Year I Destroyed Christmas

Continuing the fabled tradition begun all the way back in 2009, Scratchbomb presents Holiday Horrors and Holiday Triumphs: an advent calendar of some of the more hideous aspects of this most stressful time of year–with a few bits of awesomeness sprinkled in.

broken-christmas.jpgI got caught up in Christmas each year as a little kid, as most little kids do. Putting up the tree, decorating the house, pulling out my collection of Christmas LPs. My favorite was the Sesame Street Christmas Album, and ironically, my favorite tune on that record was Oscar the Grouch singing “I Hate Christmas”. I also recall a Disney Christmas album, though I can’t remember much of its content, except a version of “The 12 Days of Christmas” where Goofy kept singing “five…onion rings! hyuk!” (Learning disabilities are funny!)

But obviously, the presents were the biggest reason I loved Christmas. I didn’t just get stuff as a matter of course as a kid, mostly because my immediate family didn’t have enough dough to get stuff with. So Christmas brought the promise of a decent haul of toys, and at least one Big Thing for me and my brothers to share.

The biggest one of all came when, after lusting after it for years, I finally got an Atari. I can still remember two of my uncles hooking it up to our TV, and then testing it out, and then playing with it for far too long, or what felt like far too long to me, because I thought my head might explode if I had to wait any longer to use it.

When you don’t get many toys for a good chunk of the year, the stakes for Christmas are raised to a ridiculous height. You want EVERYTHING right then, because you know if you don’t get it, you’re SOL for the rest of the year. So even though I wasn’t a greedy or ungrateful kid (at least I like to think I wasn’t), I could get carried away at Christmastime. Which I definitely did one fateful December 25.
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Holiday Triumphs 2010

Holiday Triumphs: Jean Shepherd, “Uncle Carl’s Gift”

Continuing the fabled tradition begun all the way back in 2009, Scratchbomb presents Holiday Horrors and Holiday Triumphs: an advent calendar of some of the more hideous aspects of this most stressful time of year–with a few bits of awesomeness sprinkled in.

shep2.GIFLast year around this time, I wrote a post about Jean Shepherd, since he and the holiday season will be forever intertwined thanks to the classic he wrote and narrated, A Christmas Story. I’ve written on this site many times about my love for his WOR radio show that ran from 1955 to 1957–and how it was much more dark and philosophical than his most famous film. So rather than prattle on for the 8 billionth time, I’d like to present Shep in his own words on a holiday matter.

First up, his show from December 22, 1965. After opening with The Legend of the Flying A Train, Shep’s chance encounter with The Truth–in the form of a staggering drunk–reminds Shep of his Uncle Carl. A hopeless drunk, Uncle Carl was infrequently employed, often went missing for days on end, and could never remember which apartment in his building was his. But one fateful Christmas, Uncle Carl came through.

Like all of Shep’s best tales, this one is funny and tragic all at once, and above all real, told by a master storyteller. Enjoy.

[audio:http://66.147.244.95/~scratci7/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/shep_1965_uncle_carls_gift1.mp3|titles=Jean Shepherd: Uncle Carl’s Gift (December 22, 1965)]
Holiday Horrors 2010

Holiday Horrors: Crazy Eddie Christmas Ads

Continuing the fabled tradition begun all the way back in 2009, Scratchbomb presents Holiday Horrors and Holiday Triumphs: an advent calendar of some of the more hideous aspects of this most stressful time of year–with a few bits of awesomeness sprinkled in.

crazyeddie.jpgLocal ads have all but disappeared from the landscape, particularly in the New York area. I don’t know if this is because of skyrocketing ad rates, the rise of cable, or the death of small local businesses in general, but other than the occasional car dealership spot, almost all commercials you see on TV days are nationally produced for national chains.

That’s a shame, because I miss local ads. They were usually the product of one man’s vision, and that vision was almost always askew. Because in most cases, the ads were created by the owner. He pulled himself up by his bootstraps, he did, and built the largest chain of wig supply stores in all of Queens! And he’ll be damned if some college boy is gonna make his ad for him!

In New York in the 1980s, the king of local ads was undeniably Crazy Eddie, a chain of electronics stores. Why? Because his prices were INSANNNNNNNE! And so were his ADSSSSSSSSSS!


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