Holiday Triumphs: Phineas and Ferb Christmas Vacation

Continuing the fabled tradition begun all the way back in 2009, Scratchbomb presents Holiday Horrors and Holiday Triumphs: an advent calendar of some of the more hideous aspects of this most stressful time of year–with a few bits of awesomeness sprinkled in.

pnfxmas.jpgI bitch often on this site (and in other forums) about the crappiness of kids’ TV these days. Not that it was any better when I was young’un, but I’m exposed to a lot of junk thanks to The Baby. So when I come across something meant for children that isn’t total garbage, I must speak up and praise it. Phineas and Ferb is just such a show.

It’s about the titular brothers, super geniuses constantly devising impossibly fantastic new inventions. Their attempts to do so inevitably drive their older sister, Candace, up the wall, as she is typically embroiled in some sort of teenage girl drama.

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to anyone, Phineas and Ferb’s pet platypus, Perry, is actually a secret agent. He is charged with thwarting the evil schemes of Prof. Doofenschmirtz, the strangely accented super villain whose nefarious devices invariably end with “-ator”, whether they need to or not. Nearly every episode ends with Perry’s heroic deeds not only defeating the evil professor, but also incidentally tidying up Phineas and Ferb’s exploits, just in time for the boys to not get caught by their parents, thus driving Candace even crazier.

Nearly every show follows this basic outline, but Phineas and Ferb is a breath of fresh air in kids’s shows. It’s way more clever than it needs to be, has plenty of gags for the adults in the room, and makes me laugh out loud more than any other current cartoon not named Flapjack.

Example: In one episode, Doofenschmirtz invents a sea vehicle he calls the Buoyant Operated Aquatic Transport. “I call it the BO-AT!” he exclaims proudly, seemingly oblivious to what the acronym spells–or the fact that his invention looks and operates exactly like a boat. And later in the same episode, while driving his BO-AT, he comes across the local town’s Metropolitan Oval Aquatic Trench and says “Oh, a moat, I get it!”

So when I found out that there was a Phineas and Ferb Christmas special, I actually asked The Baby to watch it with me, rather than the other way around. I was not disappointed.

When the special opens, Phineas and Ferb are plotting, as usual. They want to turn their entire town into a giant Thank You Card for Santa Claus, using lights. Meanwhile, Perry invades Doofenschmirtz’s headquarters and finds out that he has received a Naughty-inator from a distant relative. It can release a mist into the air that can render an entire town ‘naughty’ and therefore undeserving of presents. The only problem: Doofenschmirtz hates every single holiday but Christmas, for which he possesses “a deep, burning apathy.”

The Professor changes his mind when a choir of annoying carolers shows up at his door and won’t leave until they get some figgy pudding. Driven insane by their incessant singing of “We Wish You a Merry Christmas,” he fires up the Naughty-inator, cackling, “So long, Christmas! You’re Feliz Navi-dead to me!” Suddenly, Phineas and Ferb’s entire town is branded naughty and all their letters to Santa returned.

Is Christmas saved after all? Of course, thanks to a CD by mysterious crooner named Sal Tuscany, a pair of Santa’s elves, the bully Buford’s attempt to make up for a year of bad behavior with “one big selfless act of kindness,” and a series of events far too intricate and strange for a kids’ show. Or rather, for most kids’ show. My favorite thing about Phineas and Ferb is that it doesn’t talk down to its audience. It assumes most kids will be smart enough to follow it along, which most kids are.

Even if you don’t have kids, catch this special the next time it’s on. I promise you won’t disappointed. And if you are, I will refund your price of admission.

Holiday Horrors: Portraits of Krampus

Continuing the fabled tradition begun all the way back in 2009, Scratchbomb presents Holiday Horrors and Holiday Triumphs: an advent calendar of some of the more hideous aspects of this most stressful time of year–with a few bits of awesomeness sprinkled in.

Last year, I wrote of the horrors of Krampus, the demonic goat-man of Germanic legend who trails Santa Claus on his Christmas journey. According to these folktales, if you’re good, Santa brings you gifts. If you’re bad, Krampus brings you a beating. Usually with a switch, though sometimes with a chain. And if you’re really bad, you might get a ride to hell in a basket strapped to his back.

In Germanic Yuletide lore (from which most of our Christmas traditions originate), Krampus and Santa Claus were once inseparable. You could not have one without the other. But Krampus was written out of Christmastime over the years, at least in America. The chastising of naughty children was taken over by Santa, who distributed coal instead of whippings. Eventually, even coal disappeared from the equations, and Christmas became a holiday that was all yin and no yang.

But in Europe–particularly Germany, Austria, and Switzerland–Krampus remains alive. December 5 is known as Krampustage (Krampus Day) in parts of these countries, an occasion for revelers to dress in scary costume, cause mischief, and get tanked. It’s basically the Mitteleurope version of Halloween (a Celtic holiday that never caught on in Europe much beyond the British Isles).

In the late 1800s/early 1900s, folks in these countries liked to send each other Christmas cards featuring his fearsome visage, with the greeting/warning GRUSS VOM KRAMPUS (Greetings from Krampus). In the Teutonic holiday spirit, I’d like to share some of these cards with you, just in case you were running low on Nightmare Fuel.
Continue reading Holiday Horrors: Portraits of Krampus

Holiday Triumphs: Tarzan, Tonto, and Frankenstein

Continuing the fabled tradition begun all the way back in 2009, Scratchbomb presents Holiday Horrors and Holiday Triumphs: an advent calendar of some of the more hideous aspects of this most stressful time of year–with a few bits of awesomeness sprinkled in.

My favorite SNL cast remains the first one I ever saw, the late 80s/very early 90s one of Phil Hartman, Dana Carvey, Jon Lovitz et al. Not that this was necessarily the best one ever (though I think it’s definitely in the top five, at least), but it is the one for which I have the biggest soft spot. It transferred pretty effortlessly from recurring-character-driven/lowbrow sketches to high-concept/weird ones and everything else in between.

For instance, this extremely brief segment that never fails to make me laugh. It came at the very end of an episode around Christmastime and features Tarzan (Kevin Nealon), Tonto (Lovitz) and Frankenstein singing “Away in a Manger” in grating monotones (or in Frankenstein’s case, confused groans). It is unexplained, simple, silly, and stupid, and it slays me every time.

The concept was repeated a few times over the years, and at one point Tonto was replaced by Chris Farley as himself. But this version remains my favorite. Dig in!