Fanning the Flames: Lowe-Down

I often write about the Mets on this site, but I realize that my perspective is not necessarily that of the average fan. So as the Hot Stove League heats up, I want to get the viewpoint of another Amazins enthusiast. Today Scratchbomb welcomes back Sean from Massapequa, a union pipefitter and frequent WFAN caller, to discuss the Mets’ pursuit of Derek Lowe.


seanfrommassapequa.jpg
It looks like the Mets’ next free agent target is Derek Lowe. Do you think he’ll round out the rotation?

Yeah, if by “round it out” you mean “ruin it.” That guy’s a bum! I don’t want him nowhere near my team!

He’s not an ace, but you can’t call him a bum. He’s won a World Series, he’s got a good track record in the post season, he’s a solid starter, groundball pitcher, throws 200 innings every year…

Yeah, 200 innings of solid suck! Once again, we see the Freddy Coupons cheapin’ out on this team and not goin’ for the big guns.

Continue reading Fanning the Flames: Lowe-Down

Senate Democrats: Fixing Glitches

reid.jpgAlright, moving on with our Senate confirmations, what’s the deal with this Roland Burris fella from Illinois?

bobs.jpgThat’s a funny subject. Seems he was appointed by a disgraced governor, and no one ever told him that this was gonna be a huge issue. I don’t know how he couldn’t figure that out on his own. But anyway, we made sure the Illinois secretary of state didn’t sign his certificate of appointment.

reid.jpgSo we’re rejecting his appointment?

bobs.jpgNo, see, we fixed the certificate so that you can’t officially accept his appointment. So the problem’s fixed from your end. We try to avoid conflict as much as possible.

reid.jpgMm hm.
Later, in the Senate chamber:

burris.jpgExcuse me, I’d like to sign the roll book now, because I’m the junior senator from Illinois and…

reid.jpgYeah, Burris, we’re gonna need your office to put some old files, so I’m gonna need you to take your press conference on to the Capitol steps.

burris.jpgYes, but I was told that I would be a senator by the man with the crazy Richie Rich hair…

reid.jpgYeah, so if you could get on out of the Senate chamber as soon as possible, that’d be great.
/raps cubible wall with knuckles, walks away

burris.jpgOkay, so I’m go back to Illinois and burn Blogojevich’s house down.

The New Hotness, God Help Us

One great thing about living in NYC (among many) is that you get to see fashion in progress. I don’t mean Bryant Park during Fashion Week, or guys pushing garment racks down 7th Avenue. I mean, you see the future fashions of the world exhibited by the eternal fount of all style: urban teenagers.

F’rinstance, the current steez amongst teens in this city is a sort of mutant hip-hop/punk rock/rockabilly hybrid. Ed Hardy-mania is its most obvious manifestation. Nowadays, kids in Brooklyn dress like a weird mix of Jay-Z and Mike Ness.

This hasn’t taken hold everywhere, near as I can tell, but I’m guessing it won’t be too long before it does. And I, for one, am totally on board with it. This is probably the first time since I’ve been alive that I’ve thought, “I actually like the way teenagers dress right now!”

But that train of thought came to a screeching halt this morning. Because I saw a kid this morning on Atlantic Avenue, dressed in all black (hoodie, jeans), holding a matching murse.

Not a messenger bag, or a laptop bag. It couldn’t possibly be slung over his shoulder. In fact, I would even hesitate to call this thing a murse.  It was no bigger than small grapefruit, and he held it with as few fingers as possible. It was a man-clutch.

Mind you, this kid was not even the slightest bit precious. He totally had the look of someone who would beat you up for thinking about thinking about messing with him.

I don’t hate this idea because it’s girly. I hate it because it’s so dumb and impractical. Like when punk/emo kids were doing that ear stretching thing a few years back. Do they still do that? Please tell me they don’t still do that.

Google tells me that at least some kids still do this. C’mon, kids, cut it out.

My plea to the kids of NYC: You were doing so good on the fashion front. Please do not adopt the man-clutch. Thank you.