Monthly Archives: January 2009

Baseball, The Funny

Philly Takes It on the Road

Somewhere in the Dominican Republic:

/ding dong

reyes.gifWho is it?

jroll.jpgWho is it?! World effin’ champions, that’s who!

hamels.jpgYeah, and we’re here to tell you that the Giants are goin’ DOWN on Sunday!

reyes.gifI don’t think the Giants play again until April.

jroll.jpgPfft! You thought we were talking about San Francisco, you DUNCE?! No, we’re talking about the NY Giants. Or should I say, the NY TINIES, because they’re gonna feel two feet tall once they get stomped by the IGGLES!

hamels.jpgHow bout dem birds, baby? The firm leadership of Donovan McNabb! The explosive running game of Brian Westbrook! The competent blocking of L.J. Smith! They’re gonna poop all over the Giants’ heads like a red convertible fresh out of the car wash!

jroll.jpgAllow me to imply that the following members of the Giants are gay: Eli Manning, Brandon Jacobs, Antonio Pierce, Phil Simms, Frank Gifford, Y.A. Tittle…

Continue reading Philly Takes It on the Road →

Football

Playoff Preview: Cardinals at Panthers with Matt Leinart

Today, we preview this weekend’s playoff games with a whole buncha celebrity guests. To discuss the exciting Carolina-Arizona matchup, here’s Cardinals backup QB, Matt Leinart.

leinart.jpg

Last weekend, the Cardinals played their first home playoff game in over 60 years. It must have been exciting to be a part of that historic event.

Yeah, whatevs. Mind if I burn one? Coach was really ridin’ my ass in practice today. I’m like, “Sheesh, it’s not like I’m gonna play,” and he’s all like, “blah blah what if something happens to Warner?” Total buzzkill.

Um, okay. After enjoying so much success at USC, is it hard to sit on the sidelines and watch Kurt Warner take charge, or are you just happy to be along for the ride?

Bro, the only thing that’s hard is me, when I’m checkin’ out the primo babeage in the crowd. Runnin’ slant routes in my pants, if you know what I mean.

Eww…So what does Arizona need to do take care of business in Carolina this weekend?

An experienced wingman and endless Jagerbombs for the ladies. Keep ’em comin’!

I was talking about the game.

So was I bro–the game of ‘tang. And when you play that game with the Lein-man, you always win. You just strap in for three minutes of pure adrenaline.

Ick. Wow, you really are a factory-wrapped douche, aren’t you?

Got a Sonic ’round here? I could drink like a hundred of them cheesecake shakes.

SB prediction: Panthers 28, Cardinals 10.

Sean from Massapequa, Skitch Hanson, Technical Nonsense

The Twittering Continues

I kinda browbeat Sean from Massapequa into creating a Twitter account, and now he’s mad at me for not mentioning it in my last post. In fact, he threatened my dog. I told him I don’t have a dog, and all he said was, “I know.” I have no idea what that means, but I’m terrified.

So anyway, Sean from Massapequa has a Twitter account. So does frequent Scratchbomb contributor Skitch Hanson. So go and follow them, won’t you?

Wait, first follow me, okay? ‘Cause right now I only have 3 followers–two of which are mentioned above. Man, it’s just like high school all over again.