Don’t Let the Door Hitcha Where the Good Lord Splitcha

I’m usually against the yahoo-ification of public discourse, particularly in the political realm. I hate that morons like Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity have lowered civic discussions to the level of barroom brawls. And I hate that whenever you go to any sporting event, before “The Star Spangled Banner” ends, you are sure to hear a few idiots yell FUCK YEAH! and USA! USA!

But I have to stand back and applaud some of the brave Americans attending today’s inauguration. For they saw our outgoing president emerge from his hidey hole, and they began to chant NA NA NA NA, NA NA NA NA, HEY HEY HEYYY, GOOOODBYYYYE!

I have to admit, I got a little teary. I am so proud to be an American right now…

And if someone could YouTube that crap, that would awesome.

It’s the Little Things

Last week, the front page of the Daily News featured the official portrait of President-Elect Obama, the one that will be featured in every federal building. When I saw the pic, it suddenly dawned on me: After today, I’ll never have to see George Bush if I don’t want to.

If I go to the DMV, I won’t have to see his Alfred E. Neuman smirk. When I go to the post office, I won’t have to avert my eyes from his vapid, incurious stare. If I get called to jury duty, I won’t have to studiously avoid looking at his pampered, entitled face for hours on end.

When Bush appears on TV from not on, it will only be to nervously defend his monstrous legacy, He’ll only appear on Fox News every now and then to prop up some more
fiction about how his administration “inherited” every evil thing it did or
caused or allowed to happen.

So I won’t feel obligated to keep watching him because he just might make some announcement that will make our lives even worse. Like, “Oh, by the way, we’re invading France. Just ’cause. Try and stop me, assholes!”

In fact, I wonder if even Fox News will continue to defend the Bush legacy. Because before long, defending Bush won’t be necessary for anyone anymore. Even people who will oppose Obama at every turn will do so on terms defined by the new political reality he represents, not by the rotten scraps Bush left behind.

I never want to see this asshole again, for any reason. I can learn nothing from even hating him anymore.

On MSNBC, Chris Matthews just articulated something I felt but couldn’t quite put into words until now. He got offended when someone compared Bush to Nixon. In his opinion, Nixon was a tragic figure, almost Shakespearean, felled by his hubris and ambition.

That’s the primary difference: Nixon was a fascinating man, and Bush is anything but. You can imagine Nixon wandering around San Clemente, wondering where he went wrong, even feeling some remorse for his evils at times.

We’ll continue to study Nixon. We’ll study the Bush Presidency, but Bush the Man will stay untouched by historians. There is nothing under his surface to touch.

When a tornado hits, you examine the wreckage, and you look at the meterological causes, but you don’t study the tornado itself because it doesn’t exist. It touches the ground, destroys everything in its path, and dissipates into the air from whence it came.

Don’t you understand? Now we all can ignore Bush. Even people who agree with him on certain political issues, so they felt forced to defend him even in his most idiotic, clueless, wreckless, monstrous moments. Conservative, liberal, it doesn’t matter–we’re all free of this moron now.

We all can choose to ignore him for the rest of our natural lives. I know it seems hard to believe. We’re all like battered spouses who’ve finally escaped an abusive mate–even though it’s all over, it’s still hard to believe that it’s all over.

This realization is probably the smallest thing that will happen today, or in the next few months. But after eight years of Bush, it feels huge.

Holy Goddamn! 001 – The Gentle Scream of a Dying Tongue

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Oh, you thought you could kill it, didn’t you? YOU CAN’T KILL IT! HOW CAN KILL DEATH ITSELF!

Of course, “death itself” in this case refers to Holy Goddamn!, the official Scratchbomb.com podcast, which makes its triumphant return to the interweb airwaves TODAY!

In episode 001, I speak on my current preoccupation with Food Competitions, and interview the proprietor of Winger’s, which will explain the presence of that horrid ad just above you. Plus, I spin some tunes (listed below for you completists), interspersed with some obscure sound clips that no one but me will remember or enjoy. Fun!

How can you get all this audio hotness? Well, you can play it in your web browser by clicking on the audio player below. If you want to subscribe to the podcast and you have iTunes, click here. Otherwise, you can click on the xml feed contained in the banner above your head or in the navigation bar just to your right. Or here, if you’re really lazy.

Oh, and you’re welcome.

Holy Goddamn 001 Selist:

Cupid Car Club, “Grape Juice Plus,” Cupid Car Club M.P. 7″
Minor Threat, “Salad Days,” Discograpy buy
Elijah and the Ebonites, “Hot Grits,” Eccentric Soul: The Capsoul Label (v/a)     buy
Jay Reatard, “All Over Again,” Singles 06/07 buy
Future of the Left, “Manchasm,” Last Night I Saved Her from Vampires buy
The Zombies, “Care of Cell 44,” Odessy & Oracle buy
The Hold Steady, “Slapped Actress,” Stay Positive buy