BEST FILM: Monster in Law Completely changed the landscape of cinema. Destined to be endlessly copied and rehashed a la Citizen Kane, but I doubt we’ll see anyone come close to its artistry in our lifetimes.
Honorable mention: The Wicker Man Ultimately, I felt the honor of best film of the decade should be gifted to a completely original work, not a remake. However, what Neil LaBute and Nicolas Cage were able to do with the obscure cult classic almost defies words.
BEST TV SHOWS: According to Jim One of the few programs to span most of this decade, ATJ became like part of the family for all of us. It was there for all our highs and lows, our triumphs and tragedies. And like all great performers, it went out on top. Thanks again, for all the laughs and tears.
Honorable mention: The Jeff Dunham Show and Frank TV Both gone far too soon. Perhaps one day the public’s Philistine tastes will catch up with the pure genius of these men and their visions for the variety programs of the new millenium. Until then, I’ll just eagerly await their release on DVD, so I can savor each magic moment over and over again.
BEST ALBUM: Scott Weiland, “Happy” in Galoshes It reminds one of when Syd Barrett left Pink Floyd and poured his tortured soul into The Madcap Laughs. Finally given a chance to spread his wings and give full vent to his muse, Weiland truly delivered with tunes such as “Missing Cleveland”, “Killing Me Sweetly”, and his tour de force cover of David Bowie’s “Fame”. Pick up the two-disc deluxe edition to hear such rarities as “Sometimes Chicken Soup (Dig My Way to China to Find You)”–you shan’t be disappointed.
Honorable mention: Insane Clown Posse, The Wraith: Shangri-La ICP found a way to step up their game again, with a mind-blowing 180 into spiritually influenced music. Much like Bob Dylan’s “born again” albums, this did not please some of the band’s hardcore fans. But those who stuck with it were given a rare treat indeed.
BEST NOVEL: Michael Crichton, State of Fear Millions of learned, trained scientists say that global warming is real. It took one brave millionaire novelist to prove that they were, in fact, lying to us all to further their own careers! Sadly, Mr. Crichton is in a better place now, free from evil academics, but hopefully we will one day be able to read fragments from his unfinished book exposing the Round Earth Conspiracy.
Honorable mention: Dan Brown I simply can’t pick a single book of his. He wields words as the master sculptor wields his chisel. Who else could pen such immortal lines as “Physicist Leonardo Vetra
smelled burning flesh, and he knew it was his own.”
BEST NON-FICTION/SELF-HELP BOOK: 50 Cent and Robert Greene, The 50th Law I didn’t think it would be possible for 50 Cent to top his line of urban novels, but then he teamed up with The 48 Laws of Power author Robert Greene for this life-changing tome. Only such a dynamic team could not only think up of two whole new laws for success, but also deliver them in the inimitable 50 Cent style.
Honorable mention: Glenn Beck, The Christmas Sweater Technically, this is a novel, or even a multimedia extravaganza. But it’s so much more than that. It’s a guide for your life, a tale that must be told not just at Christmas, but all year round!
BEST WEBSITE: Drudge Report Fair, balanced, and sleekly designed, The Drudge Report is still the best place to hear all the latest poop. It first started dropping bombs during the Clinton years and it hasn’t changed since. And don’t you ever change, Matt!
Honorable mention: TMZ.com I hate all celebrities and believe they should be hounded until they either fly into violent rages or commit suicide. Kudos to Harvey Levin for making this dream a reality.