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The Lexus Christmas ads. Need I say more?

For the last ten years or so (at least it feels like that long), Lexus has run ads every Christmas that feature a brand new car in someone’s driveway, topped by a large red bow. That someone is invariably a person you want to hit in the throat with a tree stand.

Over time, these commercials evolved to become even more out of touch. It wasn’t enough that the people in these commercials woke up to new luxury sedans on Christmas morning. Now, they were being introduced to said vehicles by means of cutesy, vomit-inducing gimmicks, the kind that, in the real world, would require a huge investment of free time and money. Like a choir of children singing carols on your lawn. Or, they would necessitate other family members “tricking” mom or dad into finding the Lexus in their garage.

Eventually, the ad wizards in charge of this campaign ran out of ways to trick people into finding their new cars. Hence their Christmas spot from two years ago, in which a husband (with the help of his son) engages in the lamest ruse every filmed. You can peep my blow-by-blow review here.

Last year, Lexus had to recognize that times were tough. Even the rich-asshole-iest of the rich assholes coudn’t just plop down 50 grand for a car. Or at least they couldn’t be spurred to do so by the old Lexus sales pitch. So Lexus took a new tack: Tap into the childlike wonder of Christmas. The ads featured home movie-ish film stock, with children talking about their most beloved toys, most of which were classic toys like Big Wheels and Ataris. Then the ads would cut to the children, all grown up, marveling at their new Lexus with childlike wonderment.

It almost worked. But then they ruined it with one terrible variation on the theme: A little girl talking about getting a pony, and how it made her friends jealous. It still pisses me off just thinking about it, but you can read my fresh anger from last year here.