The Steinbrenners Keep on Fiddling

Nero.jpgSTEINBRENNERUS: Have you gotten my first baseman, Seneca?

cashman2.jpgBRIAN CASHMAN: Um, it’s Brian, but yes, we have signed Mark Teixeira.

STEINBRENNERUS: Bring him forth.

teixeira.jpgSTEINBRENNERUS: Ah, but he’s a strapping buck of a man! Can he perform?

teixeirasmall.jpgMARK TEIXEIRA: Well, I’m pretty much guaranteed for 30 homers and 100 RBIs every year.
STEINBRENNERUS: Ah, this pleases the Steinbrenner! Yes, he shall provide me hours of amusement! Place him over there with the Sabathia and the Burnett.



teixeirasmall.jpgMARK TEIXEIRA: Why are you guys dressed like dancing girls?
sabathia2.jpgC.C. SABATHIA: Hey, for this kinda cash, I’d show up in a loincloth.
STEINBRENNERUS: Ah,
Sabathia, you have given the emperor a most deliciously decadent idea.
We shall all dress as Gaulish savages, and pursue each other through my
palace! Oh, it shall be a delightfully wicked cha-rahd! Say, what is
that curious glow coming from my window?

romeburning.JPGSTEINBRENNERUS: Seneca, please tell the peasants to stop rioting and burning the city. It’s quite unbecoming my subjects.

cashman2.jpgBRIAN CASHMAN: Your highness, I’m afraid it’s not as simple as that. Times are tough.
STEINBRENNERUS: But I gave the plebes cheap admission to watch the bear baiting–what more do they want?! Perhaps I have been…too
permissive with them. Yes, the only thing these peasants understand is
the iron fist of discipline. Please have the guards prepare the vats of
boiling oil.

cashman2.jpg
BRIAN CASHMAN: Emperor, your decisions, as always, are wise and just.
nero2.jpgSTEINBRENNERUS: Yes, quite. Now take these players away. They bore me. And tell the soldiers to bring back a Manny Ramirez from their next raids in the West! He would be ever so much fun!