* Rugged-looking men in cowboy hats at a diner argue over how to split a check seven ways.

* Amelia Earhart suppresses a belch.

* A man proudly polishes his classic convertible, oblivious to the rusted undercarriage that has completely destroyed its resale value.

* Apple-cheeked kids choose up sides for a sandlot baseball game, with the one unpicked child running home to write a devastating three-act play about isolation and despair.

* Abraham Lincoln pulls an ambulance out of a ditch thanks to the amazing towing capacity of his Chevy Silverado.

* A tearful elderly veteran salutes a parade, unaware it is a part of local Gay Pride Day festivities.

* Football fans in a sports bar cheer as the opposing quarterback suffers a torn Achilles tendon.

* Hippies dance barefoot in a verdant field, are tear-gassed by National Guard troops.

* An office worker laughs nervously at his boss’s vaguely racist joke.

* President Warren G. Harding waves to an unseen crowd, the weary smile on his face indicative of the physical and emotional toll of the Teapot Dome Scandal.

* Middle-aged men enjoy river rafting while contemplating the benefits of natural male enhancement.

* Giddy newlyweds burst through a church doorway, pursued by angry parishioners.

* Grainy kinetoscope footage of Thomas Edison, where it totally looks like he’s flipping off the camera.

* A woodsman takes a break from his hard work, rests on a stack of felled trees, is promptly attacked by wolves.

* Construction workers mill around at a job site, wondering where the hell the new guy is with the coffee.

* Teddy Roosevelt returns an ill-fitting pair of jeans to the Gap, without a receipt.

* A grandmother leaves an apple pie at her kitchen window to cool, sighs, looks deeply and utterly hopeless.

* Bobbysoxers scream for Frank Sinatra, are tear-gassed by National Guard troops.

* A carefree young girl blows bubbles, triggers a unexpectedly violent allergic reaction for her mother.

* Enraged man punches temperamental office copy machine, injures his hand, brings unwanted attention from his supervisor.

* Vince Lombardi kicks Saddam Hussein in the crotch.