With the NFL season about to kickoff, Scratchbomb has asked a few luminaries to give us their takes on the upcoming football season. Next up, WFAN drive-time personality Mike Francesa.
Ugh, I gotta do my ovah/undahs again? Jeez. Okay. Hey Bill, Frank, Tommy, whatevah my producah’s name is, how come you didn’t tell me soonah about the NFL season startin? That’s how we’re runnin things now, huh? Okay.
/drums fingers for 30 seconds
Alright, let’s look at the NFC West. You sure I gotta do the NFC West? I couldn’t do the AFC East? I wanted to tweak the Jets and Rex Ryan some more. Okay, fine, whatevah.
Boy, dis is a rough division. Not a lotta contendahs in dis one. Don’t think a Supah Bowl champ is gonna come outta this division. If you ask me, these are four teams that aren’t very good at football, if you get what I’m sayin. Where to begin?
/exhales loudly for four minutes
I guess by default you gotta pick the 49ers. A good team. Not a great team, but a good team. Can’t trust Alex Smith, but they’re the best of a bad field.
Not in love with Arizona. Not anymore. Not a lot to love with this team. They had Kurt Warner, he’s gone. Leinart, goodbye. What a losah. What a uttah disgrace. Not the same team that went to the Supah Bowl. Lotta changes. Lotta turnovah. Lotta people used to be here who aren’t here now, and vice versa, and also the opposite.
/reads aloud from Daily News for 15 minutes
Seahawks, oh brothah. There’s anothah team with nothin. You got Pete Carroll and the whole USC mess followin him up there. You got Matt Hasselbeck, he’s a disastah. And you got, what else? I don’t even know. I guess I could look up the rostah, or have my intern read it to me, but I’m too busy tryin to keep that kid from eating my egg roll.
And the Rams? Good Lawd, they are terrible. Awful. Awwwful. Horrible. Almost as bad as the Mets, who I will now abuse for 20 straight minutes apropos of nothing. You know who this team could use? Brandon Inge. Or maybe Bronson Arroyo. Very undahrated playahs. I like them both. I like them both a lot. A huge amount. A metric ton of like.
Alright, let’s go to the phones. We got Tony in Bayside.
Thanks for taking my call, Mike. I gotta say, the 5 hours you’re on the air every week are the happiest minutes of my life.
Go on.
You were wondering about the Seahwaks, and while I agree they’re not gonna be good this year, they did add Leon Washington, who might be…
Where’d you get that from, the innernets?
I looked it up on the Seahawks’ Web site. It’s just that, you couldn’t think of any players Seattle acquired, and I wanted to help. Please don’t hang up on me, Mike. I’ll die without you!
How dare you give me information from a reputable sawce?! Get outta my sight?
/handwave
Alright, coming up we got Phil Simms in studio. I’ll ask him questions about the NFL playoff picture and answer them before he has a chance to speak.