Hey, Chipper.

S’up, Dave. You goin to that kegger at HanRam’s house place this weekend?

Nah. My dad won’t lend me the Dodge. Listen, I gotta talk to you about somethin. I heard you were sayin some shit about me. Said I wasn’t happy at CitiField.

Fer real? No way, bro. I’d never say somethin like that.

When I say I heard it, I mean I actually heard you say it on the radio.

Oh, yeah. I guess I did kinda say that.

Why’d you do that, man? I told you that in confidence.

I was on the radio and they asked me about your new stadium, so I told em what you said. What else you want me to do?

Say something bland and inoffensive like everyone else does.

*pfft* That’s not how Chipper rolls, you know that. I speak my mind.

It’s a low blow, man. That’s not how bros treat each other.

Sure it is! I talk shit about everyone in this division. What about that time I told everyone that Dan Uggla eats paste?

Fuck you. That shit tastes good.

Or when I spilled the beans about Ryan Zimmerman wetting the bed?

Once! I did that once!

That’s how it is, man. Bros are always bustin each other’s chops. Don’t get all bent outta shape.

S’up, losers

/slams Wright into locker with flying elbow

Have fun at jerk practice!

/runs away as fast as possible


You should stick up for yourself, man.

He was gone so quick, I couldn’t do nothin. And if we’re such best buds, why didn’t you say anything?

Don’t worry, I got revenge on that douche. Totally got his sister pregnant.

Really?! Jesus…

Well, I got some girl pregnant. You expect me to keep track of that kinda stuff?