Let me have your attention for a moment! So you’re talking about what? Bitching
about that save you blew, some son of a bitch that keeps fouling off your out pitch, some ump that doesn’t want to give you the outside corner and so forth. Let’s talk about something important. Hey, put that coffee down! Coffee is for closers only!

But I am the closer.

Do you think I’m fucking with you? I am not fucking with you. I’m here on a
mission of mercy. Your name’s Cordero?

Yeah.

You call yourself a pitcher, you son of a bitch?

I don’t have to listen to this shit.
You certainly don’t pal. Cuz the good news is, you’re fired. The bad news is you’ve got just one week to regain your jobs,
starting with tonight’s game. Oh, have I got your attention now? Good. We’re adding a little something to this year’s NL Central contest. As you all know, first prize is a trip to the playoffs. Anyone want to see second prize? Second prize’s a bowl of Skyline chili. Third prize is you’re fired. You get the picture? You laughing now? Bob Castellini paid good money for this offense. Take those runs and win with them! You can’t close the leads you’re given, you can’t close shit, you ARE shit, hit the bricks, pal, and beat it cuz you are going out!!!

/points to blackboard

This is our philosophy. A-B-T. A-I-D-A. A-B-T. A: Always. B: Be. T: Throwing. ALWAYS BE THROWING.

/raps blackboard

A-I-D-A. Attention. Interest. Decision. Action. Attention: Pay attention to your arm and make sure it is always throwing. Interest: Are you interested in your arm? Then make sure it is always throwing! Decision: Have you made your decision to always be throwing? Action: Throwing is an action. Make sure you are doing it ALL THE TIME! ALWAYS BE THROWING.

I assume by always, you mean during a game.

ALWAYS BE THROWING.

Even on off days?

ALWAYS BE THROWING.

Even after a lengthy rain delay when you’ve already thrown 83 pitches?

ESPECIALLY after a rain delay. ALWAYS BE THROWING.

I dunno, that sounds like a good way to ruin your arm.


Fine. You see this?

Hey, guys.


These are the new leads. These are the Votto leads. And you don’t get them. Because to give them to you is just throwing them away. They’re for closers. I’d wish you good luck but you wouldn’t know what to do with it if you got it.

Wait, so I get the Votto leads?


Shut up, Cordero.