For previous Inappropriate Walk Up Music posts, click here.
Every day until Opening Day, Scratchbomb presents three tunes that are completely, unequivocally inappropriate for use as major league walk-up
music.
These are not necessarily bad songs–although that
certainly helps. They are merely songs that don’t evoke the fear and dread one traditionally associates with the walk-up song. In fact, they evoke the exact opposite.
Imagine yourself in the on-deck circle. Bottom of the 9th. Down by one. Man on second, two out. You hear the PA system blare, The centerfielder, number 20… The crowd roars at the sound of your name. And as you stroll to the batter’s box, you are greeted with the strains of one of these songs:
Today’s list is comprised of Age Inappropriate Walk Up Music, dually inspired by a suggestion from The Wife and the topic of a Best Show (see below). Do you know how many “love” songs are about some old dude lusting after a teenager? A very disturbing ton, my friend, but I’ve chosen just three for today’s offerings.
* “Let’s Get It On”, Marvin Gaye
The gold standard of baby-making music. I’ve never been able to hear it the same way, though, after I found out that Marvin Gaye wrote the song with a 17-year-old girl in mind (Marvin was 34 at the time). I guess that’s legal in most jurisdictions, and maybe I’m a little old timey in this regard, but dating someone half your age is still a little skeevots in my book. And of course, the tune is entirely inappropriate as walk up music.
* “Into the Night”, Benny Mardones
A one-hit wonder tune. The chorus makes it sound like typical love song treacle: “If I could fly, I’d pick you up/I’d take you into the night and show you a love/Like you’ve never seen, ever seen.” It’s made quite a bit creepier when you consider the first verse of this song: “She’s just sixteen years old leave her alone, they say/Separated by fools who don’t know what love is yet…” It would’ve been so easy to leave that line out, and just let people think it was a standard love song. Nope, this guy went out of his way to let you know that he was very specifically addressing a teenager. Creep.
* “Young Girl”, Gary Puckett and the Union Gap
On a Best Show from a few years back, Tom Scharpling threw out the topic: Who is the sleaziest rocker? Callers suggested guys like Gene Simmons, G.G. Allin, etc. Tom’s answer: Gary Puckett. Why? Because every nearly all of his hits are about being tempted by underage chicks. He’s the lite-rock Humbert Humbert. “Young Girl” is his biggest hit and the most obvious offender, but take a listen to “This Girl Is a Woman Now” and just try not to be creeped out.