For previous Inappropriate Walk Up Music posts, click here.

Every day until Opening Day, Scratchbomb presents three tunes that are completely, unequivocally inappropriate for use as major league walk-up
music.

These are not necessarily bad songs–although that
certainly helps. They are merely songs that don’t evoke the fear and dread one traditionally associates with the walk-up song. In fact, they evoke the exact opposite.

Imagine yourself in the on-deck circle. Bottom of the 9th. Down by one. Man on second, two out. You hear the PA system blare, The centerfielder, number 20… The crowd roars at the sound of your name. And as you stroll to the batter’s box, you are greeted with the strains of one of these songs:

* “Smell Yo Dick”, Riskay
Hat tip to The WhiteBoomBoom. I had not heard of this song before, but I’m glad I have. I love how it’s a standard R&B-type tune, except the singer soulfully croons lines like “You know that’s fucked up” and “Lemme smell yo’ dick.”

* “Don’t Know Much”, Aaron Neville and Linda Ronstadt
Aaron Neville’s voice drives me up the effin wall. He sang the national anthem before one Mets playoff game in 2006 and I swear it took 17 minutes. The Baby has Fisher Price Little People DVD she loves to watch, and Neville sings a theme song for it that haunts my dreams.

* “Queen Bitch”, David Bowie
I have yet to see Milk, so maybe I’m not qualified to judge, but how was this song the theme to it? There are much better Bowie songs to choose from to use in the soundtrack for such a biopic. “Heroes”, maybe? Then again, it’s technically a tribute to Lou Reed and The Velvet Undeground, so…no, still doesn’t make sense for a movie about gay struggle and uplift. And it’s still inappropriate for walk up music. Although if there was a player who dared come up to bat to this tune, I think he would immediately become my favorite player.