We are bu-HACK on The Fan, and my next guest is one of the greatest living American writers. One of the best. One of the legends. There are writers who are known as being great writers, and this is one of those writers. His name is Don DeLillo, and he’s got a great new novel out called Point Omega. Don, thanks for being on the show.
Thanks for having me, Mike, though I’m not quite sure why you wanted to speak with me…
Nonsense. I’m not just a sports guy. I know a lot about a lot of things, okay? You don’t get three number one shows by being a one-trick pony. I read, okay? I read books. I read a lot of books. I read a lot of printed material, material printed on paper. And your books are among the books I’ve read, and I enjoy them very much. I think you are one of the shining beacons of American letters, okay?
Wow, that’s very nice of you to say.
But I do have a bone to pick with you. In your 1997 masterpiece Underworld, you start out the novel with an extended set piece about the famous Shot Heard Round the World playoff game between the Dodgers and the Giants in 1951.
Yes, and?
And you make no mention of Mickey Mantle.
Mantle didn’t play in the game. He didn’t play for either the Dodgers or the Giants.
But you can’t dispute he was a better center fielder than Willie Mays or Duke Snider, who did play in the game. Explain that, Don.
That’s a matter of opinion, but I don’t understand what this has to do with a book I wrote 13 years ago.
Are you saying that Mantle was not better than Mays or Snider?
Again, this a matter for debate…
This is continues a disturbing pattern in your books, Don. In Mao II, you even have a scene at Yankee Stadium, and still no mention of Mickey Mantle.
That’s because the scene at Yankee Stadium was a mass wedding. It was a cult ritual, which was supposed to symbolize…
And in Libra, even though there’s some scenes in the Bronx in the 1950s, still not a peep about Mickey Mantle.
So you wanted me to talk about Mickey Mantle in a book about Lee Harvey Oswald?
I WANTED YOU TO SHOW SOME RESPECT FOR ONE OF THE GREATEST PLAYERS OF ALL TIME.
I’m sorry, Mike, I just don’t understand why I have to mention Mantle in a book that doesn’t involve him in any way.
BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO, DON! WHENEVER YOU MENTION MAYS OR SNIDER, YOU HAVE TO ALSO MENTION THAT MANTLE COULD PLAY RINGS AROUND ‘EM! THAT IS HOW IT’S DONE!
That’s how what is done?
WRITING, DON! WRITING! YOU’RE A WRITER AND YOU’RE TELLING ME YOU DON’T KNOW THIS? IF YOU DON’T KNOW THIS ALREADY, YOU ARE LU-HOST, OKAY?
Mike, what do you want me to do, write entire novels about Mickey Mantle?
I don’t do every show about Mickey Mantle, but I do every third show about him. I talk about how great it was to see him at the old Yankee Stadium, I read his stats out loud from the backs of old baseball cards, I compare those stats against other guys’ stats, I exhale loudly and mutter while calculating those comparisons in my head…
Just because you’re obsessed with Mickey Mantle doesn’t mean everyone else has to be.
This isn’t about me, Don. Okay? This about writing the right way. This about being a writer. This about putting a pen to paper or typing away on a keyboard and writing words people will read because you wrote them. This isn’t about how I weighed 250 pounds in sixth grade and already had a size 52 waist and Mickey Mantle was the only bright spot in my day after getting whipped by towels during gym class.
Actually, it sounds like that’s exactly what it’s about.
Alright, that’s it, get him outta here. Bill, Frank, Joe, Rodney, whatever my producer’s name it, you let this guy on the air? So that’s how we do a radio show, huh. Good job, guys. I hope you all get in a horrible car wreck on the Belt Parkway. Hopefully, my next guest will answer for his crimes in a way that Don couldn’t. His name is Dan Brown. Dan, how come you didn’t mention Mickey Mantle in The Lost Symbol.
Because I’m a terrible, terrible writer.
Thank you. Finally, some accountability.