Thanks for coming to see me, Pete. I’m just gonna lay it out on the line with you: I’m not gonna be commissioner forever, and I wanna make sure the only legacies I leave aren’t steroids and All Star Game ties. So I’m giving some serious consideration to lifting your lifetime ban.
*pfft* About time. You still owe me for killing Bart Giamatti.
But first, I’ll need you to issue a formal public apology for betting on baseball.
No can do, chief. Pete Rose don’t roll that way. I’m like Fonz–I physically can not say I’m sorry!
Even though you just said it.
That was just a hypothetical ‘sorry’. And so was that one. I can’t say it and mean it.
How about a half-assed, sarcastic apology?
That won’t do, either. Pete Rose is unfamiliar with sarcasm, irony, or any form of self awareness.

Continue reading The Pete Rose/Bud Selig Conference →