Tag Archives: fire joe morgan

Baseball, The Funny

Remembrance of Snark Past

joe-morgan-award.jpgYou know what was most unfuriating about Opening Night in baseball this year?

It wasn’t the fact that Opening Night itself is an abomination in the eyes of the Lord, as I’ve stated before. And not the fact that it involved the Braves and the Phillies, thus forcing me to root for The Meteor.

And it wasn’t the fact that I’d have to listen to an evening of idiocy with Joe Morgan; I just switched over to ESPN Deportes, where I can hear hilarious pronunciations of “Chase Utley” and “Jordan Schaefer”. It was the fact that I knew I wouldn’t see his performance completely dissected in an epic 10K-word takedown on Fire Joe Morgan.

Yes, I realized yesterday that this would be the first Opening Night in a few years without the benefit of FJM. How I miss it so. Can I talk to someone at The Office? Ken Tremendous needs to get back to Fremulon Insurance so he can make us all laugh about Hat Guy again.

All we have are the memories, I guess. IF you’re feeling nostalgic for sarcasm, try this post, in which Jon Heyman’s seething hatred of VORP is chewed up and spit out.

Baseball, The Worldwide Leader

Down with Dope, Up with Hype!

During Monday night’s Home Run Derby, Josh Hamilton hit some of the most impressive moon shots ever clubbed within the confines of the House that Ruth Built. And as we all know, anything accomplished at Yankee Stadium is at least 10 times more important than anything accomplished anywhere else.

The only things bigger than the home runs Hamilton hit were the lengths to which the ESPN talking heads went to praise him. You see, Josh Hamilton’s a recovering heroin addict–perhaps you heard about it when you weren’t too busy not living under a rock for the last year.

Granted, Derek Jeter wasn’t taking part in the Derby, so ESPN had to find someone else to verbally fellate. But their unblinking love of Hamilton–a man they couldn’t pick out of a lineup before the night began–was so embarrassing, it was approaching near Favre-ian levels.

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