Hey, what’s the deal with that quote-unquote truck you’re driving?
Do I know you?
Um, yeah, you should, if you’ve been living on a little place called PLANET EARTH. Howie Long: pro football hall of famer, sports analyst extraordinaire, and Chevy truck spokes-beast. I’m here to school you on that hunk of junk you call a truck. What kind of mileage you get in that thing?
I dunno, 19 mpg or so.
Oh, so you must have a V8 on it, right?
No, actually…
Hey, Einstein, I know that truck is only a V6, okay? What do you think, I just fell off the turnip truck? Grow a pair and get yourself the new Chevy Behemoth. It’s got enough torque to pull a sequoia stump out of solid concrete.
Category Archives: Adtacular
He Went to Jared!
GIRL 1: Ooh, Jen’s texting us from her big date.
GIRL 2: He brought her roses!
GIRL 1: That’s sweet! So anyway, my supervisor is such a bitch! She’s always giving me a hard time about…oh, it’s Jen again.
GIRL 2: Did something happen?
GIRL 1: No, she just wanted me to know that he took her to Chez Francois.
GIRL 2: That sounds like a made-up name for a French restaurant.
GIRL 1: Totally. So anyway, my supervisor…oh, for fuck’s sake, what now?!
GIRL 2: Just turn your phone off.
GIRL 1: You don’t know this broad. She will totally call me to make sure I got all of her riveting text messages. And then she’ll tell me the exact same things that are in her text messages. She’s nuts.
Corporate America Finally Gets It, Except When It Doesn’t
In case you hadn’t heard, the economy’s in the toilet. As such, this year’s holiday ads have taken quite a different tack than usual. Rather than pressure you to SPEND SPEND SPEND, most commercials emphasize the relative affordability of their product/service/store. Companies realize that many Americans are one paycheck away from wearing barrels with suspenders.
Even Lexus seems to understand this, which is amazing, since they could always be counted on to construct the most hateful Christmas ads every year. After all, any wealthy man can piss away money, but it takes a special kind of clueless plutocrat to spend an extra 30 grand on a Toyota because it has an L on the hood.
This year, their ads still feature The Red Bow. But rather than show entitled jerks surprising their spouses, they’ve decided to tap into The Childhood Wonder of Christmas. Their commercials show little kids, filmed in grainy old home movies style, explaining how nothing could ever top their best Christmas gift: Atari, Big Wheel, etc. And then it cuts to the kid, grown up, seeing his brand new Lexus in the driveway, his face lit up with a childlike glow.
Manipulative? Yeah. Exploitative? Definitely. Still, infinitely less douche-tastic than their usual holiday ads.
Plus, it features some classic toys that many viewers remember treasuring as children. They’re toys that lots of kids, regardless of background, spent thousands of hours with in their formative years.
In other words, these commercials do a much better job of tapping into universal holiday experiences. Few of us will wake up to a new car in the driveway on Christmas morning, but most of us know what it’s like to get one of these toys under the tree.
Of course, Lexus does tip their elitist hand in one of their commercials. Unfortunately, it’s the only one that features a girl/woman as gift recipient, which gives it an uncomfortably misogynistic feel. What is the little girl’s treasured childhood Christmas gift–a Barbie doll? An Easy-Bake Oven? A Light Brite? Nope, it’s a pony.
Continue reading Corporate America Finally Gets It, Except When It Doesn’t