Monthly Archives: November 2006

Parental Guidance

Shake for Me, Baby

Once again, I have been delinquent in updating the site. But at least this time, I have a perfectly legitimate excuse for my delinquency: 6 lbs 4 oz to be exact. I’d love to post a picture of our little bundle of loudness, but knowing the evils that lurk on the interweb, I’m sure my jpeg would wind up the victim of some nefarious Photoshopper.

How are the first few weeks of parenting? I touch another human’s feces on a daily basis. I’ve gotten about 20 minutes of sleep within the past 12 days (which is probably 20 minutes more than The Wife has). And despite rarely getting sick, exhaustion has allowed my immune system to accept the worst cold I’ve had in years. So sleep deprivation, sickness, and humiliating tasks–it’s kinda like being a POW, but I’m surrounded by pacifiers.

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Media Morons, Politics Schmolitics, Pundidiots

NFL Week 10 with Rush Limbaugh

Two words for last week’s picks: Ug-Lee. Week 9 had a lot of underdogs winning, and a lot of overdogs either choking or deciding to win their games by razor thin margins. Hey, Eli Manning–Plaxico’s not on the field; try throwing a pass that’s not 11 feet in the air. And see if you can beat the fucking Texans by more than four points. Asshole.

The tallies for week 9: win/loss 7-7; points, 5-9. That brings the season’s grand total to:

Win/Loss: 84-43
Points: 62-63

So for the first time this year, I’ve fallen below .500. I would blame my guest picker, but he had a hard enough week as it is. I tried to get now-ex-Senator George Allen to contribute, but he’s a tad bitter about pigskin right now; carrying a football around to every damn campaign stop did him no apparent good. So instead, I turn to ex-Monday Night Football commentator/right-wing radio yakker/acceptable drug addict Rush Limbaugh.

Buffalo at Indianapolis: I admire Peyton Manning’s commitment to excellence almost as much as I do his commitment to free enterprise. He’s set to break Tiki Barber’s all-time season record for commercial endorsements. If you remember that DirecTV ad where he tells the viewer to turn over to another, more interesting game, I think this contest will resemble that spot. Indianapolis by 8.

San Francisco at Detroit: A bet for the 49ers on the road is a bet for Nancy Pelosi and her San Francisco values! Detroit by 6.

San Diego at Cincinnati: With the Democrats back in power, expect to see a return to the revolving-door justice system of years past. For a preview of this grim new world, just look at the incarcer-rific Bengals, who’ve logged more trips to the pokey than offensive yards. The Chargers will be more than a match for this band of convicts, even without Shawne Merriman, a talented young man who got a bit too zealous in his self-medication regimen. Look, we’ve all been there, haven’t we? San Diego by 5.

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Politics Schmolitics

Stand Up! You Are an American!

I’m a terrible American.

Tuesday marked the first time since I’d turned 18 that I didn’t vote. Like many an antihero, my patriotic impulses were thwarted by bureaucratic BS. My car was up for inspection this week, see, and I had no time before D-Day to get it checked out. My father-in-law offered to take it to a guy he knows, but in order to do so, I had to drive the car over to his place after work yesterday. This took a good chunk out of potential voting time.

Plus, I hadn’t re-registered in my new neighborhood. So in order to vote, I’d have to go back to Greenpoint, which is nigh impossible to do in the evening without a car. Beyond rush hour, the local buses run like a fat asthmatic kid with a torn ACL. Long story short, time, tide, and the affairs of the DMV conspired to thwart my civic duties.

But if I’m honest with myself, I can say that if I really, really, really wanted to vote, I would have found a way to do so. I didn’t.

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