The Steinbrenners Keep on Fiddling

Nero.jpgSTEINBRENNERUS: Have you gotten my first baseman, Seneca?

cashman2.jpgBRIAN CASHMAN: Um, it’s Brian, but yes, we have signed Mark Teixeira.

STEINBRENNERUS: Bring him forth.

teixeira.jpgSTEINBRENNERUS: Ah, but he’s a strapping buck of a man! Can he perform?

teixeirasmall.jpgMARK TEIXEIRA: Well, I’m pretty much guaranteed for 30 homers and 100 RBIs every year.
STEINBRENNERUS: Ah, this pleases the Steinbrenner! Yes, he shall provide me hours of amusement! Place him over there with the Sabathia and the Burnett.

teixeirasmall.jpgMARK TEIXEIRA: Why are you guys dressed like dancing girls?
sabathia2.jpgC.C. SABATHIA: Hey, for this kinda cash, I’d show up in a loincloth.
Sabathia, you have given the emperor a most deliciously decadent idea.
We shall all dress as Gaulish savages, and pursue each other through my
palace! Oh, it shall be a delightfully wicked cha-rahd! Say, what is
that curious glow coming from my window?

romeburning.JPGSTEINBRENNERUS: Seneca, please tell the peasants to stop rioting and burning the city. It’s quite unbecoming my subjects.

cashman2.jpgBRIAN CASHMAN: Your highness, I’m afraid it’s not as simple as that. Times are tough.
STEINBRENNERUS: But I gave the plebes cheap admission to watch the bear baiting–what more do they want?! Perhaps I have been…too
permissive with them. Yes, the only thing these peasants understand is
the iron fist of discipline. Please have the guards prepare the vats of
boiling oil.

BRIAN CASHMAN: Emperor, your decisions, as always, are wise and just.
nero2.jpgSTEINBRENNERUS: Yes, quite. Now take these players away. They bore me. And tell the soldiers to bring back a Manny Ramirez from their next raids in the West! He would be ever so much fun!