Fanning the Flames: K-Rod

I often write about the Mets on this site, but I realize that my perspective is not necessarily that of the average fan. So as the Hot Stove League heats up, I want to get the viewpoint of another Amazins enthusiast. Today Scratchbomb welcomes Sean from Massapequa, a union pipefitter and frequent WFAN caller, to discuss the acquisition of Francisco Rodriguez.
seanfrommassapequa.jpgSo the Mets got K-Rod. That should help solidify the bullpen, shouldn’t it?

I don’t want this guy nowhere near my team! This guy’s a bum! Get ridda him!

He’s been on the team for like six hours.

That’s six hours too long! That bum should hit the road!

How is K-Rod a bum? He broke the season saves record last year.

Big deal. Saves is a fake stat, like on-base percentage. They don’t mean nothin. He’s a bum and the Mets are bums for signin him. That’s just like the Mets, always thinkin small. Meanwhile, the Yankees go out and get CC Sabathia and steal the back pages again. How could Omar Minaya let Sabathia slip through his fingers?! I want that bum fired!

There’s no way the Mets could’ve signed Sabathia, not after breaking
the bank for Johan Santana last year. Besides, the bullpen was
obviously their most pressing issue

That’s why they shoulda signed Sabathia for the bullpen!

Wait a minute–why on earth would Sabathia, a former Cy Young Award winner, want to become a reliever?

Hey, I ain’t the one paid to figure this stuff out. You just make it happen!

Let’s restrict the argument to actual closers: Who did you want the
Mets to get instead of K-Rod? Kerry Wood? Huston Street? Brian Fuentes?

No, they’re even worse bums. The Mets shoulda gone for the biggest prize of all.

Who’s that?

Mariano Rivera, obviously.

He’s not a free agent.

So trade for him. Give em Luis Castillo, Fernando Tatis, and some minor league guy. Get it done!

There’s no way the Yankees would trade him, period. Even if they
would, that package is insultingly bad for the best closer of all time.

So take him when the Yanks ain’t looking.

You can’t acquire a pitcher by means of finders keepers…

So trade for Jonathan Papelbon. Give the Sox Aaron Heilman and Brian Schneider. Get it done!

…and you can’t ship your garbage to another team and expect them to give you gold.

You can quote Shakespeare to me all you want. The fact of the matter is Omar’s got this thing for a certain kind of player, if you get my drift.

I don’t, actually.

You know what I’m talking about: Carlos Beltran, Pedro Martinez, Carlos Delgado...

You mean some of the best available free agents at the time of their signings?

No, I mean that they share a certain quality, if you know what I’m sayin.

Are you saying they’re all Latino?

Hey, you said it, I didn’t.

I only said it after you implied it strenuously.

Look, I ain’t got nothin against them guys. I work with a ton of
them. There’s this electrician I know, Nikos Koutsmandis. Salt of the
earth, that guy.

That sounds more like a Greek name to me.

Greek, Latino–same thing, right?

No, not even close. We’re almost out of time here, but I have to ask, where do you think the Mets should go next?

They should go to their beverage concession guys and make sure the
new ballpark is gonna have Mickey’s Big Mouth for sale. And if not, I
want Omar to pack his bags, the bum!

Okay, thanks for completely wasting my time, Sean.

My pleasure. And tell Omar I know where he lives, the bum!