The Other Half of the Phone Conversation in The Big Bopper’s “Chantilly Lace”

“Hello baby” yourself. Is this the Big Bopper?

Nice of you to phone. Working late again?

Don’t “sweet thing” me. Do you still have time to pick up that thing for my mother? You know, like we talked about?

I asked if you were going to pick up that thing for my mom like you promised. Will you or not?

C’mon, stop the deaf act. You know I don’t like that.

No, what I like. Can we talk about that for a change? Yes, the Chantilly lace, the ponytail….big eyed girl?! Why would you say that? You know I’m very sensitive about my eyes.

I said I’m very sensitive about my eyes. And here you are talking about spending your money, but you won’t pay a plumber to get that leak in the shower fixed. Every weekend you tell me you’re gonna get around to it but you never do.

Don’t “but, but” me! Are you going to do this or not? Because if you aren’t, I’ll just call up the plumber and it’ll be done, like it should have been weeks ago. You know I would like you take care of this.

Yes, what you like again. It’s always about you, isn’t it? Listen, my car’s still in the shop and I want to go to that community meeting about that new shopping center they want to build just outside of town. I don’t think the proper environmental impact studies have been done and it could add a lot of traffic that this area just can’t handle it. Is there anyway you could pick me up at 8? The meeting starts at 8:30 and I don’t want to be late.

Don’t worry, you don’t have to stick around. You can go watch the game at the bar down the street, but I want to go because I think this is a very important issue for our community.

You don’t need any money for this. I can give you a couple of bucks if you want to get a beer or play Big Buck Hunter. I just need to know if you can do this one thing for me.

God dammit, Big Bopper! You never listen to a word I say! It’s always about what you like. What about my needs? What about my feelings? I’m not happy, and I can’t remember the last time I was! I want a separation. I’ve been talking to a lawyer and I suggest you do the same.

I never loved you, Big Bopper. How do you like that?

I hope you also like divorce papers, because you’re getting them on Monday morning, you creep.

One thought on “The Other Half of the Phone Conversation in The Big Bopper’s “Chantilly Lace””

  1. I bet the exaggerated “Helloooo Baaaay-bee!” was awesome the first time this chick heard it. Now, it’s cutting, bitter reminder of their long-dead affection. The Big Bopper as Edward Albee play.

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