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I Was Under the River Ma

I was under the river ma. The river. The East River. I was on the subway when you called. You know there’s no cell phone service in the tunnels. You know that. Can you hear me now. I can’t speak too loud. I’m on a train and I’m standing up and it’s crowded and I don’t wanna yell in some guy’s ear. How can there be a problem with the pills. I was just there yesterday and I set up all the carrousel for you for the month. Not a horse carrousel ma. The pill carrousel. It’s right there on the kitchen table. I don’t know why they call it that ma. Because it spins around I guess. It’s what the box said when I got it at Target. Today’s the first so just look for the little plastic box with the 1 on it and take that out and those are your pills for today. Why are you taking your pills now. It’s like 6 o’clock. You gotta take them all in the morning. Check your marker boards. I put them in the living room and the kitchen and the bedroom with all the important info on it so if you ever forget something no matter where you’re at you don’t gotta look far. Why are you looking for 2. Tomorrow is the second. No. Don’t take the 2 box out so you don’t forget tomorrow. They’re set up in the carrousel in number order so you can’t forget nothing. That’s what it’s for. What do you mean there’s no 2. I swear to god ma I was there on Sunday and I counted every pill for every day and I put every little box back in the carrousel. It’s gotta be there. I know it’s there. I’m not yelling. I know what I did is all. Find 1 then look right next to it and that’s 2. What do you mean there’s a space there. There’s no space there. I’m not yelling. Fine. If you can’t find 2 then do this. Look for 9.  The number 9 ma. Look for the number 9. You’re looking for 9 because that’s next Tuesday. You found it. Good. Take the 9 box out and open it up. Is there a little yellow pill in there. That’s the thyroid. You take those on Tuesdays. Take the 9 box and put it where the 2 box should be. Next to the 1. That way you’ll take the right pills tomorrow and I’ll fix the carrousel next time I’m there. What do you mean you can’t put nothing there. You just told me there’s a space next to 1. If there’s no space then what’s there. Then what’s there ma. Describe to me what you see. Explain to me what you’re seeing with your eyes because I do not have ESP. I can’t channel myself into your kitchen and see what you’re seeing. I’m not yelling. I sound upset to you. I been at work all day and I’m standing on this train and the AC don’t work so I’m sweating like a pig and I still gotta pick up Sara from afterschool and grab dinner. My day isn’t even close to being over ma. Sara. Your granddaughter ma. I put a picture of her on the boards. She’s wearing her tee ball uniform. Tee ball. It’s like little league. I can’t go over there tonight ma. Not tonight ma. No. Because Joe’s working nights now and he’s got the car. Joe. My husband Joe ma. His picture’s not on the board ma. No his name isn’t Greg ma. You’re thinking of Greg from high school. I’m sure I didn’t marry Greg ma. Because he fell out a window. Because drugs probably. I don’t wanna talk about Greg. It’s not that I don’t wanna help you. I’m there all the time ma. No. Do not call Steve ma. Because he won’t come and you’ll just get mad and even if he does come over he’ll be drunk off his ass and he’ll be useless like always. I don’t care if he’s my brother. Yes I can say that because it’s true. Don’t tell me to give him help. I help him all the time ma. I gave him 100 bucks last week even though I knew where it was going. I’m trying to figure this out ma. Because you can’t call Steve but I can’t hump over to your place on the 59 with a six year old under my arm. I’m alone tonight ma. You know what this is like. Yeah I got one kid instead of two but you know this is hard all alone and you want me to drop everything and. Jesus don’t cry ma. No I’m not gonna be happy when god comes to take you ma. Why would you say that. I’m doing everything I can. I can’t do this every night. Yes it is every night with this. Yes it is ma. You don’t know it’s every night because you’re. No. For the last time don’t call Steve ma. No I don’t trust Steve to even find a god damn 2. You’ll be lucky if he don’t take your ATM card. You didn’t give him your new PIN did you. I was on the phone with the bank for 2 hours clearing it up the last time you did that. Has he been by. Has he been by ma. Yes or no. I can’t do this. I can’t. No Steve ma. No. Then I’ll figure something out. That’s what I do. It’s always me. I’ll make it work ma. Look. This is my stop. I love you. I gotta go.